Should I kill our drummer?

AudioHog · Post by **AudioHog** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:48 am

Bare with me please. We have developed somewhat of a "studio staff" band. It started out just throwing a set together for a party last summer and it took off from there. I've found I really enjoy playing again and not just knob twiddlin'. Problem is this. The drummer has become impossible to work with. All of us have a history in bands from some time ago and he was actually in a band that went "gold". So I think that's part of the problem. "Dynamics" has become a dirty word for him. He has let his kit go to shit. He forgets intros and endings constantly even after we hammer through them a dozen times. His tempo wavers all over the place. He's usually pretty buzzed when he shows up for practice. Then he has the audacity to point out anything he thinks isn't right. Unfortunately, he's also our friend. We've pointed all this stuff out to him and it's in one ear and out the other. I'm getting tired of hearing "when I recorded with so and so.....he said I was one of the best rock drummers......so don't tell me how to.....". We've got a pretty big gig next weekend so I don't want to make waves now but something has to change. I don't think it will be him. So, do we just let him go after this next gig? I don't think he's going to take this very well as he was booted from "Band X" as well. I just can't seem to get through to him. Any advice fellow Ops?
Thanks for reading my rant.

Scodiddly · Post by **Scodiddly** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:43 am

You'll be doing him a favor by firing him.

thethingwiththestuff · Post by **thethingwiththestuff** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:51 am

kick him out, and make sure to say "Now I know why you were kicked out of 'TheBlahBlahs.'"

but seriously, tell him he's making things difficult for all of you who are just trying to have fun and its not worth it to you to be upset with him so often. if need be, list the things you did in your post about dynamics, remembering parts, belligerence...

apropos of nothing · Post by **apropos of nothing** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:29 am

I went through something very similar at one point. By being honest with him, and saying, "I like you -- you're my friend, AND I can't won't play with you because you do thus&such" I was able to salvage the friendship, and he had a change of heart/revelation and has become a much more pleasant person to be around.

Gently, kindly, can him.

cgarges · Post by **cgarges** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:11 am

I agree 100% with apropos. The guy can believe whatever he wants to believe, but if it's not working for the rest of the band, it's not working for the band. You have to decide what's important, the band, the friendship, or both and figure out a solution there.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

mjau · Post by **mjau** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:17 am

AudioHog wrote:He's usually pretty buzzed when he shows up for practice

Not to sound alarmist, because I've played with a number of people with substance habits who managed it ok, but maybe that's part of the problem. I'll drink a bit at band practice and shows, but generally don't let myself get too buzzed out of respect for the other people I'm playing with (otherwise I'd be trying to play Crazy Train over everything).

CurtZHP · Post by **CurtZHP** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:49 am

mjau wrote:
AudioHog wrote:He's usually pretty buzzed when he shows up for practice
Not to sound alarmist, because I've played with a number of people with substance habits who managed it ok, but maybe that's part of the problem. I'll drink a bit at band practice and shows, but generally don't let myself get too buzzed out of respect for the other people I'm playing with (otherwise I'd be trying to play Crazy Train over everything).

I don't think you're being alarmist. The guy is showing up buzzed on a regular basis. He's got a problem. "Pretty buzzed" is just a polite way of saying "drunk." I hope to God he's not driving to practice.

alex matson · Post by **alex matson** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 2:38 pm

Your friend needs to get over his past, whatever his other problems are.
I had to learn to deal with crappy PA's and amateur FOH guys after my 'big' band experience. Years later and having met many former members of other bands, I assume that no one gives a damn, nor should they.

AudioHog · Post by **AudioHog** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:27 pm

Thanks everyone. I thought about it alot today and he's not just letting me down, he letting the whole band down with this. We're just going to have to sit down with him and lay it on the line in a kind and mellow manner.
I like what all of you had to say and it helps put things in perspective for me. I appreciate that. I let you know how it goes.

;ivlunsdystf · Post by **;ivlunsdystf** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:42 pm

I think it's as much a substance abuse/dependency problem as an interpersonal problem, and if you're the people in his life who are in a position to help him by intervening then you are really in a position to help him (if he's ready, and you're up for the stress of it)

Surely his substance use/abuse is impairing his ability to do/enjoy the things that he used to enjoy doing - that's what differentiates his 'abuse' from a non-addict's occasional/social 'use'

That's my 2 cents based on how you describe the situation. I might be wrong about this guy in this situation.

davedarling · Post by **davedarling** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 10:26 pm

i say kill him.

dd

trodden · Post by **trodden** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:55 pm

yep, substance abuse situation. if not directly, then related. Been in the situation a few times.

Something needs to change, either let him go and try to keep the friendship as others above have mentioned, or move on yourself. I've had to do both a few times. not fun no matter what, but dissolving any intense relationship hurts. Its the way we go on, learn, and grow. If its not fun and productive, why waste what little time we have alive?

UXB · Post by **UXB** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 10:13 am

Things may go badly on this one, as people with substance/emotional issues are usually unable to see the others' perspectives, and as result, may lash out. Try to handle with kid gloves and prepare for this contingency by keeping very cool, no matter how he responds.

Put the friendship first even if he isn't acting like a friend at the moment, that his life may get better in the future. Everyone here seems to have had verrry similar experiences, and it seems a common thread.

Ultimately, your friend may need your help, but he needs to be ready to accept it.

I hope things go well.

-H

trodden · Post by **trodden** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 11:49 am

UXB wrote:Things may go badly on this one, as people with substance/emotional issues are usually unable to see the others' perspectives, and as result, may lash out. Try to handle with kid gloves and prepare for this contingency by keeping very cool, no matter how he responds.

Put the friendship first even if he isn't acting like a friend at the moment, that his life may get better in the future. Everyone here seems to have had verrry similar experiences, and it seems a common thread.

Ultimately, your friend may need your help, but he needs to be ready to accept it.

I hope things go well.

-H

oh totally. yeah be prepared for some less than ideal situations down the road. You and your bandmates will be blamed for everything from "teaming up" on him/her as well as "not providing the help and attention" he/she needed at the time. I've had former bandmates dissolve friendships for YEARS because of the denial, you just hope some day they clean up/wake up, get the help they need and realize you provided all you really could at the time. We've all got our demons we're dealing with, and sometimes our own personal "issues" need more attention than other peoples and you can't be there for other 24/7.

AudioHog · Post by **AudioHog** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:10 pm

We've all got our demons we're dealing with, and sometimes our own personal "issues" need more attention than other peoples and you can't be there for other 24/7.

That's the other thing. I mean I'm far from perfect and have my own issues just like everyone else. The difference being I try to not let it effect others in negative ways. Not so long ago I'd slam a six pack before I felt "comfortable" playing. It took me realizing that my playing went to shit and my attitude followed before I gave up that little game. Now I find it harder to play even if I've had a couple of beers. I pretty much need to not drink to concentrate on performing or recording other people.

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