At the moment, I'm single. But I've been married, and almost got married again a couple of years ago. Where I work, a lot of customers bring their kids. Some are annoying, but most are pretty darn adorable. As a guy who wants a career in music again, I've wondered what you guys think about being parents and finding time for everything.
Last year, i saw an interview with Francis Ford Coppola (IIRC), where he said having kids made him successful, because time became something too precious to waste and he became determined to make it for his family's sake. Apparently he became a father before making a successful film. That gave me a lot to think about.
People i talk to say kids will eat up all your free time, however.
What do you guys think?
Having kids
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alex matson
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rushofblood
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jrsgodfrey
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So-called "free time" is non-existent for me and anyone w/ kids. I have two kids that I raise mostly myself. And remember money spent on gear/studio time is like "stealing" from them 
But I have similar take to Mr. Coppola -- I've become more focused and use my time wisely (on the other hand, I have no delusions about "making it" at this point). I'm a better writer than I was and, in an odd way, a better musician -- not as proficient or practiced, but more at ease, not as self critical.
The kids are endless sources of inspiration. Also, I have all my instruments out for the family to play with and - lo and behold -- I play with them a lot more myself.
The most important thing -- have your instrument, rig, recording set-up, whatever, set up an ready to go. I can tuck them in and hit record in a matter of minutes. That's key.
Good luck.
But I have similar take to Mr. Coppola -- I've become more focused and use my time wisely (on the other hand, I have no delusions about "making it" at this point). I'm a better writer than I was and, in an odd way, a better musician -- not as proficient or practiced, but more at ease, not as self critical.
The kids are endless sources of inspiration. Also, I have all my instruments out for the family to play with and - lo and behold -- I play with them a lot more myself.
The most important thing -- have your instrument, rig, recording set-up, whatever, set up an ready to go. I can tuck them in and hit record in a matter of minutes. That's key.
Good luck.
I went in my studio today, and played a little guitar, which is the first time since April 1, when Little League season started. I am the coach of my son's team, and Little League takes a ton of time.
The break has been good - I played better and more creatively this morning - but it is a great example of the choice between what I want and my son's priorities. He's 8, and in 10 years he will be off to college and I will have all the time in the world to play, and will miss him like crazy. So for now, I can happily put aside playing to be with him.
And I can sympathize on the tug between gear for you, and stuff for him. I am currently debating between picking up a low-end ribbon mic and buying his team end-of-season trophies and a pizza party. I will probably go with the trophies and pizza. I have plenty of mics.
The break has been good - I played better and more creatively this morning - but it is a great example of the choice between what I want and my son's priorities. He's 8, and in 10 years he will be off to college and I will have all the time in the world to play, and will miss him like crazy. So for now, I can happily put aside playing to be with him.
And I can sympathize on the tug between gear for you, and stuff for him. I am currently debating between picking up a low-end ribbon mic and buying his team end-of-season trophies and a pizza party. I will probably go with the trophies and pizza. I have plenty of mics.
finally a topic i can chime in on in a meaningful way! i'm a stay at home dad with twin 3 1/2 year old girls, and a 16 month old boy.
maybe i can be the TOMB Joel H. of the kid angle?
"Dude, i know they're not "Pampers" brand, but the Hanaford generic diaper wipes are gonna be legendary!!"
or
food > kid> poop> Huggies Pull-ups > trash
no? ah well, i crack me up anyway. whee...
it's hot. heading outside with ice coffee, my topaz and radar manuals. kids in the kiddie pool. good times.
cool topic. lots to say here. more later.
jon
maybe i can be the TOMB Joel H. of the kid angle?
"Dude, i know they're not "Pampers" brand, but the Hanaford generic diaper wipes are gonna be legendary!!"
or
food > kid> poop> Huggies Pull-ups > trash
no?
ah well, i crack me up anyway. whee...it's hot. heading outside with ice coffee, my topaz and radar manuals. kids in the kiddie pool. good times.
cool topic. lots to say here. more later.
jon
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John Jeffers
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I have a 4-year-old daughter, a day job, and I'm in a regional touring band on top of trying to build business for my studio. Free time for me is a rare thing, but aside from my day job, I love what I do. Having a great, supportive partner is the only thing that makes it possible for me. My wife appreciates my love for this stuff, and is usually willing to accommodate the weird schedule and long hours being in the studio requires.
Being single with no kids would be a hell of a lot easier, but I don't think it would ultimately make me happy. You have to think of the long term, if having a family is important to you. It may be difficult now, but what do you want to have when you're 50 or 60? Maybe kids aren't important to you. I didn't think they would be to me. In fact, I planned on never having kids, and I basically gave in to my wife on that one. But now that I have a daughter I think about what old age would be like without a family, and it doesn't seem so great.
Being single with no kids would be a hell of a lot easier, but I don't think it would ultimately make me happy. You have to think of the long term, if having a family is important to you. It may be difficult now, but what do you want to have when you're 50 or 60? Maybe kids aren't important to you. I didn't think they would be to me. In fact, I planned on never having kids, and I basically gave in to my wife on that one. But now that I have a daughter I think about what old age would be like without a family, and it doesn't seem so great.
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alex matson
- re-cappin' neve
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I caught a bit of the movie "The Last Mimzy" last night (there's a theater at McMenamin's Kennedy School where I work) and was looking up the movie at rottentomatoes - there's a trailer with the kids that illustrates my point about them being adorable and amazing (and also makes it clear that the little girl had some amazing coaching - she seems wise beyond her years in the film, but in the interview you can see what a child she really is - too cute.) I think anyone with kids would enjoy seeing this with them - one of the reviews said something along the lines of 'Finally - a kid's movie that doesn't insult their intelligence.'
The bass player in my old band became a father. Touring caused him some suffering - he'd say when we were in the middle of a boring stretch "I can't believe I'm wasting time out here instead of spending it with my daughter" (we were on the downhill slide.) He said something I've always remembered when I asked him about being a dad. "Your old life as you know it is gone - but your new life has so much more meaning."
I miss being in love with someone. Having that again with an amazing child to boot would be almost too much joy.
The bass player in my old band became a father. Touring caused him some suffering - he'd say when we were in the middle of a boring stretch "I can't believe I'm wasting time out here instead of spending it with my daughter" (we were on the downhill slide.) He said something I've always remembered when I asked him about being a dad. "Your old life as you know it is gone - but your new life has so much more meaning."
I miss being in love with someone. Having that again with an amazing child to boot would be almost too much joy.
Too funny. Great post, Jon....
I'm a homeschooling dad (10 yo daughter). So's my singer. It's a ton of work, of course. Being a GOOD parent will take up much of your attention, and every new parent has to come to terms with not being able to be as self-absorbed as they were before the kid(s).
But here's a true story. When I found out I was going to be a parent, I was of course nervous (as everyone is). Like, full-of-anxiety nervous. Not a good scene.
Then I had a dream (beware of quasi-metaphysical rant here).
In the dream, someone "spoke" to me. Not sure who or what this "person" was, though at the time I identified it with my grandmother who had died a few years earlier. I expressed my dis-ease and anxiety about becoming a parent to this entity.
It's response: "As long as you remember that being a parent is at least as much about YOUR development as it is about the child's development, you'll be fine."
I woke up from that dream, and literally I have not felt one single iota of anxiety about parenthood since.
In short: don't let becoming a parent allow you to lose who you are. Granted, you will have to focus and become better and free-time management. But if who you are involves music, you should let that continue.
One other piece of advice: one's relationship with time changes as a parent. First of all, time seems to accelerate. Secondly, everything musical takes much longer than you think it will (in terms of long-term goals). So budget for that.
I'm a homeschooling dad (10 yo daughter). So's my singer. It's a ton of work, of course. Being a GOOD parent will take up much of your attention, and every new parent has to come to terms with not being able to be as self-absorbed as they were before the kid(s).
But here's a true story. When I found out I was going to be a parent, I was of course nervous (as everyone is). Like, full-of-anxiety nervous. Not a good scene.
Then I had a dream (beware of quasi-metaphysical rant here).
In the dream, someone "spoke" to me. Not sure who or what this "person" was, though at the time I identified it with my grandmother who had died a few years earlier. I expressed my dis-ease and anxiety about becoming a parent to this entity.
It's response: "As long as you remember that being a parent is at least as much about YOUR development as it is about the child's development, you'll be fine."
I woke up from that dream, and literally I have not felt one single iota of anxiety about parenthood since.
In short: don't let becoming a parent allow you to lose who you are. Granted, you will have to focus and become better and free-time management. But if who you are involves music, you should let that continue.
One other piece of advice: one's relationship with time changes as a parent. First of all, time seems to accelerate. Secondly, everything musical takes much longer than you think it will (in terms of long-term goals). So budget for that.
My daughter turns 2 next week. As soon as the nurse handed her off to me, a switch flipped and my priorities totally changed. I don't struggle with making time for music/ recording. My wife and daughter come first always. It's been pretty simple for me.
That being said, I do spend a lot more time doing music-related things with my daughter around. She loves guitars and drums (and she's currently obsessed with Yellow Submarine), and she loves to go gear shopping with me. She's really excited about instruments and loves to turn every knob on every piece of gear in the store. Her enthusiasm gives me a new perspective on a lot of old things, and I think it ultimately makes me a better musician and engineer.
Kids eat up your free time -- but that's a good thing.
http://www.princelionheart.com/site/n_bc_0231.html
It really gave our wipes that tube warmth we were looking for.
That being said, I do spend a lot more time doing music-related things with my daughter around. She loves guitars and drums (and she's currently obsessed with Yellow Submarine), and she loves to go gear shopping with me. She's really excited about instruments and loves to turn every knob on every piece of gear in the store. Her enthusiasm gives me a new perspective on a lot of old things, and I think it ultimately makes me a better musician and engineer.
Kids eat up your free time -- but that's a good thing.
Jon-- have you tried running those wipes through a Prince Lionheart #0231?Jon Nolan wrote:
"Dude, i know they're not "Pampers" brand, but the Hanaford generic diaper wipes are gonna be legendary!!"
http://www.princelionheart.com/site/n_bc_0231.html
It really gave our wipes that tube warmth we were looking for.
I have a 5 year-old daughter and was married, now divorced, so I've run the track. I was not going to have kids at all (vasectomy when my daughter was 2). I agree with everyone's sentiment that being a dad will blow your mind. You can absolutely count on one fact: your life is over for at least a year, if not two. Toddlers take so much work. It's mind blowing.
On the music question though, I was playing/touring up until I met my ex, but quit before I married. For the nearly 10 years we were together, I wandered in and out of trying to be a part of music in some way. Played a bit, built a studio for myself, etc. You can find ways to make it happen, but everyone's right - it's tough. I found the best times were when your kid goes to bed and you can record through a six-pack. Great memories there. Also, there's nothing like seeing your child beat on one of the mini drumsets. Rules.
I think you just need to ask yourself some questions. Like are you the type of person that is going to get married, get soft, put on some weight, fall under your wife's thumb, etc., or are you the type of person that will be willing to put in the extreme effort it takes to maintain things? That's the easiest way to forecast the impact. You can make things work if you're willing to make the time. It got easy to get too tired to just snap into the mood for recording after a long day, but I'd do it anyway.
Also depends on your mate. Mine was not conducive to my music, and it strained things. She was proud to tell people I could play all these instruments, etc., she just didn't like to hear them. If your mate's cool, it's a lot easier.
And, since you've been married before, you have some insight on how much time marriage and family takes from you. Just my opinion, I'd say find a great woman that you respect and are great friends with, move in together, have a kid, and skip the marriage. I know it's "new wave", but I have found that being a single dad is freaking awesome. I get my free time, get my daughter on my own time without someone else to question every move ("she likes this...", "you're doing it wrong...", "I say let her drink Pepsi..."). We did give my daughter four years of nuclear family though, and I let my ex stay home for the first two years, and that made a gigantic difference in my daughter's development. But, there are so many shitty parents out there that there's nothing wrong with considering an alternate route as long as you maintain being a great father.
My long .02
MT
On the music question though, I was playing/touring up until I met my ex, but quit before I married. For the nearly 10 years we were together, I wandered in and out of trying to be a part of music in some way. Played a bit, built a studio for myself, etc. You can find ways to make it happen, but everyone's right - it's tough. I found the best times were when your kid goes to bed and you can record through a six-pack. Great memories there. Also, there's nothing like seeing your child beat on one of the mini drumsets. Rules.
I think you just need to ask yourself some questions. Like are you the type of person that is going to get married, get soft, put on some weight, fall under your wife's thumb, etc., or are you the type of person that will be willing to put in the extreme effort it takes to maintain things? That's the easiest way to forecast the impact. You can make things work if you're willing to make the time. It got easy to get too tired to just snap into the mood for recording after a long day, but I'd do it anyway.
Also depends on your mate. Mine was not conducive to my music, and it strained things. She was proud to tell people I could play all these instruments, etc., she just didn't like to hear them. If your mate's cool, it's a lot easier.
And, since you've been married before, you have some insight on how much time marriage and family takes from you. Just my opinion, I'd say find a great woman that you respect and are great friends with, move in together, have a kid, and skip the marriage. I know it's "new wave", but I have found that being a single dad is freaking awesome. I get my free time, get my daughter on my own time without someone else to question every move ("she likes this...", "you're doing it wrong...", "I say let her drink Pepsi..."). We did give my daughter four years of nuclear family though, and I let my ex stay home for the first two years, and that made a gigantic difference in my daughter's development. But, there are so many shitty parents out there that there's nothing wrong with considering an alternate route as long as you maintain being a great father.
My long .02
MT
Blade... Lazer... Blazer...
i've been using one of those with my daughter since she was a newborn.mikeyc wrote:Jon-- have you tried running those wipes through a Prince Lionheart #0231?Jon Nolan wrote:
"Dude, i know they're not "Pampers" brand, but the Hanaford generic diaper wipes are gonna be legendary!!"
http://www.princelionheart.com/site/n_bc_0231.html
It really gave our wipes that tube warmth we were looking for.
it totally makes her poops sound like the radio.
?What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears.? -- Seneca
Hi. Stay-at-home Dad of a 4-year-old\ boy and a 6-DAY-old girl.....
As far as wipe warmers, we've been using something that wraps around a standard wipes case [we prefer the huggies supreme wipes...] and it's been fine for 4 years...the lionheart looks nice though and i don't know the wraparounds model/manufacturer off the top of my head...
As far as family goes, I tried my darndest through my 20s to make it in the studio world [did some cool stuff but certainly never was nearly as successful as I wanted to be]. Once I met my wife and hit 30 and we got married, my path definitely changed....The music became far less a priority. I still do the occasional thing here and there and have a decent studio set-up that I recently moved out of my home [thanks to my very supportive wife.....boys, if you can, marry a lawyer...]. Well, here I am listening to a 4 CD Christmas compilation [work] on a warm May evening---there's a deadline and I am actually really happy to be out of the house for a little break tonight....
Anyway, I find that it is more satisfying to deal with one [and now it will be two] whiny person who will be a little more mature the next day rather than dealing with 5 whiny people screaming to get what they want...and then the next day dealing with 5 new, equally whiny people .....Did I mention I spent a few years mixing monitors at BB Kings, NYC???? Well, mixing monitors was a good challenge and all, but after a couple years it was the same thing day after day [just sometimes the people were nice or the music was good, or the rarest treat, nice respectful people making good music......
geez, i thought i had a point somewhere....either way, it feels good to type...what was the question again?
As far as wipe warmers, we've been using something that wraps around a standard wipes case [we prefer the huggies supreme wipes...] and it's been fine for 4 years...the lionheart looks nice though and i don't know the wraparounds model/manufacturer off the top of my head...
As far as family goes, I tried my darndest through my 20s to make it in the studio world [did some cool stuff but certainly never was nearly as successful as I wanted to be]. Once I met my wife and hit 30 and we got married, my path definitely changed....The music became far less a priority. I still do the occasional thing here and there and have a decent studio set-up that I recently moved out of my home [thanks to my very supportive wife.....boys, if you can, marry a lawyer...]. Well, here I am listening to a 4 CD Christmas compilation [work] on a warm May evening---there's a deadline and I am actually really happy to be out of the house for a little break tonight....
Anyway, I find that it is more satisfying to deal with one [and now it will be two] whiny person who will be a little more mature the next day rather than dealing with 5 whiny people screaming to get what they want...and then the next day dealing with 5 new, equally whiny people .....Did I mention I spent a few years mixing monitors at BB Kings, NYC???? Well, mixing monitors was a good challenge and all, but after a couple years it was the same thing day after day [just sometimes the people were nice or the music was good, or the rarest treat, nice respectful people making good music......
geez, i thought i had a point somewhere....either way, it feels good to type...what was the question again?
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Electro-Voice 664
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