worst client ever

[JASIII]

Hey, does anybody think that this woman was maybe the wife of that guy from Louisiana that posted those spam threads about his studio a while back? Remember him? Damn, what was his name? "D Funk" or something like that? It was quite a thread. His studio website had pictures of his hot-ass wife. Maybe she realized that since he didn't have a console she should find someone else to take her places, and whalla! "Larry"! I think that was he guy S/H asked his wife's "hourly rate". Damn that was some funny shit!

[trash180]

Man, is there any way you can film some of this shit? It'd be the next best thing to "A Year In The Life Of Metallica" or one of the Christopher Guest movies.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

That is where the real money and comedy/tragedy would be...the reality show. Maybe offer the documentary option? "The Making of a Star"

Of course, from the sounds of it, they may run in some rough circles. I certainly wouldn't let any "posse" in the door. Larry might not be the only one taking advantage of the talent.

I'd maybe consider doing the Karioke thing over and over until they lose interest. Maybe hire a singer to record the guide vocal, but it would scare me too much to take on an entire project with them. If they're dilluded enough to think that she can sing, they may think that you can turn her into Gwen Steffani. Eventually you will get the blame for not being able to bring the project up to snuff. They may not have recourse, they may not be able to get a refund, but that may not be the only way for them to get retribution.

Kinda like Citizen Kane, huh? Old old story. I'm not saying the story isn't the most entertaining thing I've heard all day, but eventually it's going to turn into "Bumfights" or "Drunkcollegegirls" or something. Something that will be depressing and suck the life out of you. The best thing for her may be the worst thing for you...that you actaully start to care about her.

Train wreck. Best viewed from a distance...not from the train.

[bloodspoint]

Perfect. Michael can give her some pointers based on his Boogie Nights role.

Nothing for nothing, yesterday I managed to capture some truly spectacular between-take argument banter from my current front-runners for Most Idiotic Pseudo musicians to Ever Think They Had Any Talent and Paid Me for Studio Time which I will MP3 tonight and post on this thread tomorrow.

These guys are so dumb they probably need hip nodes to run their lower halves, much like the mighty brontosaurus.

I wish I had caprtured the argument and almost brawl that happened between a death metal band's guitarist (and an ex-drummer) and the drummer during a session. The highlight was when the guitarist, a notoriously undiplomatic person, impugned the drummer's aptitude.
We were playing back a take, and he asked to have the kick drums soloed. He listened for a few seconds more, then turned to the drummer's wife (yes, the drummer's wife was there...), and said, "Listen to that sh7t! Those are loose as hell!! Does he even practice?!?". If the drummer hadn't been outside on a smoke break, I think a fight would've broken out right there. As it was, the wife went outside, and a few seconds later, the drummer came back in, and without saying a thing, started dismantling his kit. He left the studio and the band.

My other favorite, also a death metal band:

Guitarist 1: "What chord are you playing there?"
G2: "An F#".
G1: "Well, it's not an F#".
G2: "I've been playing it like that for two f7cking years!"
G1: "Well, you've been playing it f7cking _wrong_ for two f7cking years!!"

The same G1 later called the bassist and G2 "Whiny p7ssies" when they didn't want to keep doing takes of a song that they obviously just didn't have down.

Ha! And I have to keep a straight face while all this is going on.

Sean

[greatmagnet]

I've heard that G1/G2 altercation totally verbatim to your account about ten times in the last five years from completely different sources each time. Seems to be pretty common that bad bands don't notice each other's mis-chordings when it's really loud music reflecting around a tiny garage.

Stay away from my special lady friend.

[cgarges]

I had a keyboard player one time tell me, as he was adding his second part on Hammond organ over the top of three other guitar parts that the reason why NO ONE was digging his takes was because we weren't "used to hearing a good voicing."

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[Cellotron]

So who do you think is going to play you in the movie which is obviously being made here

If it weren't for Rena being of the female persuasion I'd have to say Michael Penn.

Aimee Mann, then?

nah - we need someone who can actually act! How about Jennifer Jason Leigh? there seems to be even a physical resemblance!

Best regards,
Steve Berson

[scott anthony]

[quote="Cellotron] How about Jennifer Jason Leigh? there seems to be even a physical resemblance!

Best regards,
Steve Berson[/quote]

Oh yeah, she'd make a good deadpan engineer. Might be too old at this point. Liv Tyler?

[greatmagnet]

Nah. Ears too pointy.

[mcfl0nuz]

call me crazy, but I actually want to hear this 'demo'...

[smojo]

Nah. Ears too pointy.

Hey man, my ears are SHARP! Ba-dum ching!

wooo.... okay. getting carried away now...

as for wanting to hear it, maybe I'll bring a copy with me to the next TapeOpCon in my discman and anyone who wants a laugh or to feel better about their own singing/producing can have a listen!

[Brian]

I've been doin this for over twenty years and I "been there,,whatever', DUDEtte, if you don't want to promote that shite don't do it, you only have one life and it ain't a practice run. Trust me, I had some videots come into my studio and I took there money and finished their project they LOVED it! AND IT SUCKED! HARD!! and I told them not to use my name on the credits and they did anyway, more than once that happened, and then I moved from NYC to podunk and one session I actually coached the singer (he consequently got MUCH BETTER FAST!) and he said this and I quote "So this is what people did before PROTOOLS" I just about shat myself 9that's right) and had to leave the room, Imagine trying to keep a straight face after hearing that. And the prostitution thing? Oh, Please, that's been done to DEATH! I can't count how many times I've seen record company 'EMPLOYEES" sleeze some hottie into thin king she's the next big thing, made me mistyfor the old days and the "famous people". I AIN'T namin no names, nobody knows nuttin, but, you're in good company, join the club, we got jackets!

[greatmagnet]

See Rena? You can feel better about yourself now. Brian gives you permission. Thank god, 'cuz he is like the total shit, yo.

[the velour fog]

Hey man, my ears are SHARP! Ba-dum ching!

wooo.... okay. getting carried away now...

as for wanting to hear it, maybe I'll bring a copy with me to the next TapeOpCon in my discman and anyone who wants a laugh or to feel better about their own singing/producing can have a listen!

\

yet another reason to save the change in my couch! great story...i hope you will keep telling us stories. i felt like we should have been sitting in a circle on a rug holding big pillows.

[LeedyGuy]

Is this thread still about our own awful clients? I have this guy I did a couple acoustic gigs with where i played hand drums and he wrote the tunes and played piano. Turned out, he was really a drummer, so I liked 2 of the songs and offered to get them down and make a little 2 song thing for him. i started by tracking him on drums and he played along with a bass player. That was may of 2003....and ITS NOT DONE. The guy is new to doing a recording and a middle child and an actor too. not to stereotype EVERYONE who is the middle child and an actor, but this guy IS the stereo type. so hes incredibly "me" centered. im STILL adding tracks to this friggin thing and he takes up SO much of my time and demands it...its maddening! i dont know how to pull the plug though since it sounds pretty good and im trying to make a little demo CD of stuff i've recorded. there are so many soft synths, guitars, organs, percussion stuff, rewires...its rediculous. we're really using everything i have. i recently ran a mic up to the kitchen and tapped a knife on the sink and mixed it in there real soft on the beat. he'll never notice, but now i have EVERYTHING including the goddamn kitchen sink.

[Rigsby]

Nice story, well nice isn't probably the word, but you know...

I'd say do it 'cept for the credit thing, that said, is anyone going to buy it anyway, auto-tune or not (and you said it was shit even with the 'tune)? If it was me i'd think, 'got to pay the bills and their relationship's none of my business', though that's easy to say when it's not your moral standing or whatever on the line. He did sound like an idiot, but not really a nasty guy, just more of a fool. If she wants a shot at music, it's no-one's right to stand in her way whether she's any good or not. The saddest thing to me is that people like this exist, damaged people who feel the need to make their bodies just plain wierd to get attention (and love?), i mean, what do you have to do to a child to make them grow up like that?

...pls don't answer that, i know how some of the people's minds on this board work.

Good luck with making a decision.