I got nabbed in a speed trap last month in a small upstate New York hamlet (on my way to do some pro bono concert recording, but that's another thread) and even as he was handing me the citation, the cop was already wheeling and dealing.
"You can plead guilty... or if you plead not guilty and show up in court, come see me and I can keep the points off your record." Points? Last speeding ticket I got was in 1997, so I'm a little hazy on what points mean... but I'm no fool, and the guy seemed like he was sincerely offering me several winks and nods of advice. So, I show up at the appointed hour to find a dozen fellow criminals milling around the courthouse lobby. Officer G------ emerges from a door, and motions me into an alcove.
"Well, this was 45 in a 30-- but I'm willing to bargain down to Parking on the Pavement. No points, no surcharge, won't get reported to the DMV. Is this agreeable to you?"
I feel like I've won a lottery. Then, I notice he's doing this routine with everybody. Hushed little conferences, with the defendants breathing sighs of relief. And here I was all ready to ask for the calibration records for his radar gun! I actually had a whole Perry Mason routine more-or-less worked out, but this back channel negotiation has undercut it all. And I feel grateful.
The actual appearance before the judge was an assembly line on steroids, I heard him reciting to the people before me, to me, and to those after me "Have to spoken to the officer? Do you understand the charges as they've been reduced? How do you plead now?" Here we have a corrupt little system going whole hog, and the check for $125 I wrote out (once I shifted from the Plea Chair to the Check Writing Out Chair) I did with the same glee I'd approach donating to some humanitarian relief effort.
These guys are clever psychologists, no question... but then I recall in my taxi driving days, you always quoted an overblown fare... and so when you got to your destination, and it's alot less, the people are so happy.
Court is adjourned!
