No More "Shimmering" Leads and "Nasty" L

[PlasticMoonRain]

For New Year's this year, I propose that music companies, programmers and journalists stop using the same words over and over and over and over again to describe synthesizer and guitar tones.

These words have got to be replaced by more imaginative phrases by PR people, marketers and writers, because they are being use so often, it's all a blur.

I mean there should be an outright ban on these extremely overused phrases:

* "shimmering," "deep" or "dark" pads
* "nasty" leads or basses
* "mysterious" drones
* "warm" amp tones
* "fat" synths
* "powerful" filters

Instead, I propose that beginning in 2006, there should be a whole new set of adjectives used to describe tones and products.

For once, I'd really like somebody to describe their product using these phrases like these:

* Cough-up-phlegm-balls heart-shaking leads.
* Overweight synths.
* Pissed-off and angry basses.
* Tinky Winky pads.
* Balmy amp tones.
* Smoked-too-much weed drones.
* Kung fu-crazed filters.

We potential customers need something more provocative and descriptive, so one shimmer doesn't sound like another shimmer.

C'mon people -- surely you all have better descriptive phrases you'd rather see and use. Let's see'em!

[s00p3rm4n]

Chuck Norris Attacks

Remember... when Chuck Norris is in bed, he's not sleeping - he's waiting.

[vvv]

This is actually an excellent thred which I found very amusing, but simply cannot add to, except to use band descriptions like

Edgey Guitar Delay, Coldplayish Piano, Bootsyish Bass, and the dreaded Metallica snare sound.

[John Jeffers]

the dreaded Metallica snare sound.

People have actually wanted that? Point them to this page and tell them to check out the "St. Anger Tribute" at the very bottom of the page.

[;ivlunsdystf]

Why not "droopy" bass? Bass is supposed to be droopy, right? Or have I been playing it wrong all these years.

[cgarges]

Remember... when Chuck Norris is in bed, he's not sleeping - he's waiting.

I'm practically in tears right now. I'm laughing so hard...

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[segaface]

Chuck Norris Attacks

Remember... when Chuck Norris is in bed, he's not sleeping - he's waiting.

Note the crotch shot.

[RuudUnit]

My friend and I hard at work on a new sonic vocabulary.

"oily"

"overcast"

"beany" (it literally sounded like there were beans coming out of the speakers)

"fudgy"

more on this story as it develops

[lyman]

my favorite was in a musicians friend catalog, where they refer to this one pointy guitar as "a metal spewing murder axe." that cracked me up!

[ryanlikestorock]

That snare tribute was way too funny.

[r0ck1r0ck2]

i've learned 2 things from this thread

1.
when Chuck Norris is in bed, he's not sleeping - he's waiting.

2.
metal spewing murder axe

very nice

[knobtwirler]

cochlea-infesting would grab my attention for leads, and disembowling i sok for bass. I agree that these adjectives must be rewritten.

[knobtwirler]

the dreaded Metallica snare sound.

People have actually wanted that? Point them to this page and tell them to check out the "St. Anger Tribute" at the very bottom of the page.

That was so funny for the first 20 seconds I'm trying to forget the rest of it.

[;ivlunsdystf]

As I am one whose only exposure to Metallica was the "Some Kind of Monster" movie, the St. Anger parody is particularly funny...