If looks don't count, you could consider a balanced piezo contact pickup. We make this:
http://zeppelindesignlabs.com/product/c ... ntact-mic/
(we call it the Cortado.) This comes as a DIY kit. We wired two piezos in parallel to the balancing / buffering circuit and stuck them to an upright on either side of the bridge with masking tape. We were astonished how easily we got a terrific sound.
Here's a video that includes a few clips of how we rigged up the bass (at 1:42):
https://youtu.be/p-8UPHHF714
I see I'm posting years after the fact, but I'd sure like to know how the show went!
upright bass micing
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