malcolm chisholm

[david whitcomb]

i've noticed an interest online about the late malcolm chisholm of chess
records. i was fortunate enough to take his Sound Engineering class at
columbia college before he died. if anyone's interested, i've put
together some stuff from my notes, and other stuff i remember . all
this stuff is to the best of my memory. read all quotes in a yelling,
crotchety old man voice.
the first day of class, he said, "THIS IS A RECORDING STUDIO, THERE ARE NO RULES, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DANCE NAKED ON THE PIANO, PLEASE TAKE YOU'RE SHOES OFF." he played music he recorded at chess in class everyday on large monitors VERY loudly. some people wore earplugs to class. he said you had to mix really loud (117 Db?) he played everything on i think 1 inch tape,
mono. because none of us "knew what music sounded like". one girl
whispered something to him to prove that he had damaged his
hearing. he said "HONEY, I'M DEAF CUZ I'M OLD!." he showed us how to clean tape heads with spit on your finger, he also used spit to stick the tape to the reel. he said they never demagnetized their heads.
he had lots of interesting stories about being an electrical engineer in the navy.
he talked about being mystified when the whole country went "completely crazy" after pearl harbor. (i took his class pre-9/11!)
he called digital cd audio a "cartoon", but said "THE BASS IS GOOOOD!"
he said of 24 bit 192k "now you're getting close".
EQ: i've seen other stuff online. this is to the best of my memory. i can't find my notes from that class. i'd like to point out here that i asked, and he clarified that these are guidelines for MASTERING, not MIXING.
30Hz balls
60Hz bass
100Hz useless
700Hz bass presence
1k level "turn up 1k and it gets louder"
5k sugar/ poison (it sounds good but its easy to overdo it)
highs he called air.
he said once about "baffles", " THEY DON'T BAFFLE ANYTHING, THEY'RE CALLED 'ACOUSTIC FLATS!"
someone asked him if he ever worked with (i think it was the rolling stones).
malcolm said "WHO?"
"you've never heard of the rolling stones?"
"WHAT DOES A HOOKER NOT DO ON HER DAY OFF?"
the stuff he played us was all recorded at chess, live in one room, including the vocals. i have the hand out that diagrams how to position and mic a small orchestra, full jazz band with drums, organ, bgvs, and main vocals in a live room. all elements were mixed down to mono tape. he said the engineers had to read music to know where to turn things (solos, etc) up and down. he said solo instruments should be up 10 dB.
"like lead vocals?"
"yes."
they're called EKO SENDS. not aux sends.
he said he got tired of and left the biz in the seventies, as the advent of multitracking. led to him having to work more and more with "HOPELESS MUSICIANS"
he said "YOU CAN'T PLAY IN TIME WITH HEADPHONES"
he said the kik drum, by definition, is "THE ONLY INSTRUMENT THAT ALWAYS PLAYS ON THE BEAT."
he used to drive a ferrari, said they're way overpriced now. said proudly: "I TAKE CABS!"
he said "THIS AIN"T ROCKET SCIENCE!" alot.
he said if you get paid for it, you're a professional.
i missed the day he talked about compressors. i asked him to catch me up during a smoke break. he said, "the main thing to remember about compressors is that if you don't let them go back to zero some times, you're not doing anything." he liked dbx.
he said " i don't trust a mixer who doesn't smoke"
returning to class, a kid was plunking the piano keys:
"DO YOU PLAY THE PIANO?"
"n...."
"THEN DON'T!"
he demonstrated harmonics on a piano string with his thumb. when he got to the 7th harmonic he asked what the value of the note was:
"the dominant seventh?"
"NO, IT'S THE SEV-ENTH!"
mics demonstration:
dynamics: takes alot of energy to get em moving. slow, strong, "put em anywhere you wouldn't put your head". small "balloon". isolation (polar patterns) just okay.
ribbons: when treated properly as a piece of professional studio equipment, they are indestructable. he also said that phantom power doesn't hurt them, which he demonstrated by sending 48v's to an rca 77(!), bigger balloon, isolation is extreme. "THEY ALL SOUND DIFFERENT, AND THEY ALL SOUND GOOOD!" he theorized that ribbon mics, like the human ear, behave as infinitely dampened strings. "WHICH IS WHY THEY SOUND SO MUCH LIKE WHAT YOU STICK IN FRONT OF THEM." he also theorized that ribbon mics don't "hear" out-of-tune. as an example, he said to use one for a brass instrument, which goes sharp when it gets louder, with a woodwind, which goes flat. (maybe i have this backwards).
condensers: hyper sensitive to high frequencies, large balloon, isolation is "a joke".
"THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH SOUND THE SAME." (i swear he said that.)
i think i remember him saying that WD40 "never hurt anything".
he scoffed at what he called "designer cable": "OPEN UP A PROFESSIONAL CONSOLE AND LOOK AT WHAT THEY USED: STANDARD CABLE!"
he had a cool theory about how humans and domesticated dogs evolved together: it started when the homo-whatevers, started hunter-gathering. they followed the heards, left behind bones and other scraps. wolves, who were scavengers, followed them. within a few generations, they got used to each other, and curious, playful children started playing with the curious, playful pups. dogs are useful, they bark, and they fight for they're "pack". the evolution of domesticated dogs is indistinguishable from the evolution of humans. "that's why you can beat your dog to death and it will lick you as you're doing it."
someone told him about tapeop magazine. he said "i don't do basements."
regarding bleed: "drums aren't as loud as you think they are."
he didn't like putnam's universal audio stuff.
he liked to say "nasty-ville tennis-shoe"
i still have the handouts from most of the classes, which i'm happy to share.
btw, the chair of the audio dept at the time advised me not to take this class.
okay!
david whitcomb
the CHI

[hank alrich]

David,

I think that is the coolest, most fun post I've seen in the TOMB. Thanks.

[david whitcomb]

his class was a blast. very interesting man. no bullshit professional

[david whitcomb]

i looked at the hand out for the live room set up again. the orchestra is actually full size, w/ tympani. also add a grand piano.
he also liked to say KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID

[findaguitarteacher]

Wow! What an experience that must have been. Guys like that are national treasures, and, unfortunately, there are not a lot of them still around. It's too bad that we don't have a central archive / museum where the wisdom and experience of guys like this could forever be appreciated and learned from.

I know that Chess employed a couple of different echo chambers including a sewer pipe. Did he ever talk about that?

Thanks so much for making your notes available.

[david whitcomb]

yeah man, i'm glad you found this stuff interesting. i didn't hear the one about the sewer pipe. if anyone wants a copy of the handouts i'd be glad to put them up, if someone shows me how. there's a six page handout of his interpretation of the decibel system.

[Rabbit]

I'd certainly love to have a copy of the handouts. I'm envious that you were a student of Malcom's.

[wren]

I'd love to see them too. And thanks for the initial post; it was really fun to read.

[casey campbell]

i have been a big fan of malcolm's for a long while now. i think he was absolutely brilliant.

thanks for sharing...

[david whitcomb]

i guess i would scan them, save as pdf, but how do i put them up? alot of the handouts were articles in (i think) mix magazine, and i have seen some of them online.

[Angie]

I took Malcolm's classes in 1983, I believe it was. From talking to people who took his class after that, I got the feeling the classes improved. And, of course, now there is a whole degree program at Columbia.

I do remember the hooker and rocket science sayings. He used them all the time. He also used to say "Engineers are arrogant and they have a right to be". He was the most arrogant of any engineer I've known, but then he *did* have a right to be.

It is too bad that there isn't more about Malcolm on the internet. His son had a tribute page up for a while after he died. I don't know why he took it down.

[Jarvis]

A most excellent post. Thank you.