Things "NOT" to say to an experienced engineer

[Slider]

I remember being in a band and working with engineers.
I hated some engineer trying to get all "Tchad Blake" with my shit when it wasn't necessary.
If they're questioning a method after they've heard its results, they probably don't like it.
This happens to even the greatest engineers and producers.

All I'm saying is, sometimes that guy you think is being an annoying idiot might actually have a good engineering idea. It pays to recognize when they do.

Now if they are quoting anything from recording magazine you can properly tell them to kindly shut the f**k up.

[MichaelAlan]

......"I'll see you in court." I hate that one.

Ya any time the words "restraining order" get thrown around...bummer.

[dokushoka]

It amazes me to this day that someone would want to pay me my rate to debate my methods, even when what is coming out of the speakers is making everyone happy!

Totally weird waste of money, and so mind boggling!?!?

It all depends on what they're in the studio for. Lets face it, some people just go into record to have the experience. They want to feel like a studio type. Sometimes you're just the chauffeur, driving them around. That is, unless you aren't just in it for the money and you're willing to turn those jobs down. Otherwise, its their money and they can tell you to do whatever they want, right?

[dokushoka]

I remember being in a band and working with engineers.
I hated some engineer trying to get all "Tchad Blake" with my shit when it wasn't necessary.
If they're questioning a method after they've heard its results, they probably don't like it.
This happens to even the greatest engineers and producers.

All I'm saying is, sometimes that guy you think is being an annoying idiot might actually have a good engineering idea. It pays to recognize when they do.

Now if they are quoting anything from recording magazine you can properly tell them to kindly shut the f**k up.

Excellent point!

[jmoose]

"Hey bro...could you, like...not cash that for two weeks?"

"Totally, but it'll take about three weeks to get those rough mixes together."

I once had a pretty infamous client threaten to sick his lawyer on me because I wouldn't release his mixes. Yeah, I'm a dick...he owed about $2K and I had his signature on invoices showing that. Sure thing chucklehead, call your lawyer and show him the invoices...see what he says about it.

On the flip side, the guy blew his deal with the label and I'm still not sure of what happened there but I think it involved physical violence or threats of some nature. You gotta watch out for that Karma thing, it?ll bite ?ya!

[Sean Shannon]

Good examples of things an intern or assistant should not say to the engineer:

"God I hate Pro Tools. If you had Nuendo, ______ is way easier."

"I gotta leave in an hour, I borrowed my girlfriend's car."

"These guys suck."

"Sure, we'll do it YOUR way."

"Has your Herpes cleared up yet?"

"Do I WANT to (make a couple CD copies)? If you mean "will I", then sure..."

"Do you know the shortcut for Save?"

I could go on and on....

[Sean Shannon]

Oh, and more pet peeves....

Don't exchange phone numbers with my clients, call them up from home and offer to mix them for free at your home studio or change the schedule to suit yourself.

Don't assume that the drum throne that was left here by a band last month is now up for grabs, and go home with it.

Don't comment on the song arrangements, playing techniques, or vocals. Don't laugh at the bands outlandish outfits.

Don't continue to chat it up with the band, loudly, while I'm trying to mix their song. I said I could go on and on, right?

Don't hit on the band's (or engineer's) girl.

Don't tell the band you could mix them better than me because you went to Full Sail and own a compressor.

Don't answer a client's question when they asked me.

When I give them an answer, don't disrespect me by saying, "well, I wouldn't do it that way, I'd....."

If a client looks around the studio and asks "Wow, this is a lot of gear. How much would it cost to put something like this together?", don't say "The question is, can you afford it?", thinking you are being cute. Especially when the client has an expensive car and expensive clothes and jewelry and drove 4 hours to work with me. The client was offended, then said, "If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have asked, now would I?", as he looked at the assistant's tattered shoes. I reamed his ass the minute the client left, and fired him.

Don't say "Yeah, he tells that joke all the time." A joke is only old if you've heard it before.

Don't call 15 minutes before a session, when you are already late, and say you're going to be late because you are stopping to eat, when you knew you were setting up mics for a full band today and the band is already at the studio.

And don't touch the console or outboard gear. I've had guys sweeping through settings and fader levels while I'm working, after I spent time carefully tweaking already. I'm like "What the hell are you doing?" "I wanted to see what it would sound like....." That's right before I call them outside to let them go. Work with me, guys, not against me for chrisssakes!

I actually have had interns and assistants say and do all of these things and more. If I think of more, I'll post 'em

[andyg666]

"I think you should ______."

so is it just the phrasing of suggesting something in that manner, or the idea of someone suggesting something in general that bothers you? I think you should reconsider this one...

[wesley.wittich]

"I think you should ______."

so is it just the phrasing of suggesting something in that manner, or the idea of someone suggesting something in general that bothers you? I think you should reconsider this one...

To me, the phrasing of this is most of the issue, though that ultimately depends on who it's coming from. If it's from an assistant, then they're out of line, unless their input was asked for. If it's from someone in the band, etc., I think they should wait and see how it sounds and if they have and issue with it, then talk about how they want it to sound. I don't think anyone, unless asked, should be telling the head engineer how to do his job, they should just help him know what they're looking for.

I haven't assisted on any really big projects yet, but even on the smaller ones I've worked on, I wouldn't even consider telling the engineer to do something differently. If he wants to know how I would do it, I'll tell him, but I'll never tell him that's how he should do it...that's not my job.

[fossiltooth]

Don't try to show anyone how much you know about engineering while interning/assisting.

Definitely. That's a good one. I'd also add:

"Don't try to show anyone how much you know about engineering while playing bass."

"...while visiting from the label."

"...while stopping by to check out the studio."

And of equal importance: "Don't try to show anyone how much you know about engineering while engineering."

So many of life's problems come from people's desire to prove themselves in front of others.

(Also, my personal nomination for the #1 thing to never say in a session is: "Do you really know what all those knobs do?".)

[cgarges]

(Also, my personal nomination for the #1 thing to never say in a session is: "Do you really know what all those knobs do?".)

Oh, God, if I only had a nickel...

There are certain things in life that need to be over and done with. That's one of them. "Freebird" is another. That's NEVER funny anymore. Not at a Skynryd concert, not at some jazz trio's gig, not anywhere where someone might play it. It's just NOT funny or amusing or.. whatever. It just makes you look like an ignoranus.

Yes, I said ignoranus. That's someone who is both an idiot and an asshole.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[JGriffin]

Holy zombie thread, Batman!

[cgarges]

No kidding. Some of the gems have been returning lately.

CG

[mcsquishytooshy]

Slightly off-topic, but...

"the drums *should* be aligned- I went through and quantized each track (separately) myself"

"all of the other engineers I've worked with on this project thought it was a good idea to _____"

"I know he played it wrong, but you can just copy and paste a good take together, right?"

"I don't know why I can't hit these notes, I practiced so much last month"

to me: "sounds awesome"
to their bandmates: "no way am I paying for any additional mixing even if I think it sounds like shit"

[fossiltooth]

There are certain things in life that need to be over and done with. That's one of them. "Freebird" is another.