go to as many shows as you can. see as much live music as possible and watch those drummers and pick up from there.
i had a wierd hybrid of training - i started being"classically trained" but then augmented that tons with what applied to me in the real world. i think it depends on what you're into. i've always had a problem with modern drummer and all those drum videos cuz they are generally too wanky for my aesthetics (but make no mistake, those guys can tear it up way more than me! i'm just more ramones than steely dan). bottom line, get your hands/ears/eyes on as much as possible, and slowly you'll be able to sift out what's important/applicatble to you. it won't ALL be applicable to you, but you should be able to pick up stuff from EVERYWHERE, for DCI drum corp videos to basement shows to arena shows to jazz stuff or whatever.
but to make it easy, one very very simple thing i see so often with kit drummers that have room to improve, is that they play from the elbows and not the wrists. 9 times out of 10 if the drummer can't keep up to the band, that's the problem.
as far as positioning, it's all what's right for you. some of my favorite, mindblowing drummers, when i sit behind thier kit - i have no idea why they place thier stuff where they do, but they sound amazing when THEY play THIER kit. you develop a body memory of where your rack/crash/floor/ride are, and each individual is different. if you start looking around, you'll see everyone's sorta the same, yet sorta different at the same time if that makes sense.
if you REALL REALLY can't take lessons, at least do yourself the favor of making friends with some other drummers, and talking to them about how they approach things. everyone's got a different perspective, and a real human will be far more useful than an internet post or videos.
for warmups, one thing i do before i play is to stretch the forearms is put your sticks in your hands with both wrists facing you like you could slit them, then starting with the right side, flip inwards toward you, then the left will follow until both are outstretched again facing up, but with your shoulder joints and forearms get stretched. i'm sorta lazy now, so that's all i'll do before playing a show now, but if i REALLY want to loosen up - like before recording, i'll also do "stone killers" which is something i learned way back in drum corps days - you just do 1/8th notes on one hand:
1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 2 & 2 & 3 & 4 & - RIGHT HAND
3 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 4 & 2 & 3 & 4 & - LEFT HAND
very simple but focus on maintainint consistent/even speed on stroke and strength. if you're like 98% of the world your left hand will be weaker and you'll need to consciously cheat up your left and and down your right, which is also a good overall approach to the kit (ease on cymbals, whale on drums ). start where it's easy for you and slowly speed up/volume up until you start fucking up. keep at it till you get better and better. if you get any of those books there are tons of simlar cool warmup type excercises, but i hardly ever touch that sorta thing...
there are a million ways to skin a cat.
i guess another way to look at it, is: what kind of band do you want to be in? study that drummer and similar drummers. there's ringo - who's alternately the best and worst drummer in the world depending on how you view it...
tuning:
http://home.earthlink.net/~prof.sound/
hope that helps some too.
and while i'm typing a way too long post, another rudimentary technique i fall back on occasionally is subdividing - try counting along while you play 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & during fills, or lead ins to songs or pretty much anything where you're having timing issues. in drum line stuff we'd just say out loud "dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit" etc. which i'll still do under my breath occasionally during recording or whatever (since you just feel the ones)...
