Having kids

[RefD]

Patchbays can be fun toys.

as can knobs, pushbuttons, faders, toggle switches, computer and synthesiser keyboards, the carefully routed and secured cabling in back of the racks...

[asylumdigital]

Wow,
I'd have to agree w/ F. Coppola. I have a 10yr old son and an almost 3yr old daughter & it was do or die for me. I had to step up and make it work. It took me a little while, but I earn a comfortable living & get to stay at home (most of the time) w/ the kids...

It's very fulfilling.

[Wolfman Sack]

Great topic. My daughter was born a week ago (first one) and we're knee deep in diapers and sleepless nights right now. I'm in that "redefining" mode where I'm rethinking just about every idea I ever defined myself by previously.

I plan on doing most of my writing and recording on my home setup after she gets to sleep, with the thinking that what gets done, gets done - if it doesn't, then that's fine too. I used to feel this constant pressure of the clock ticking - "you're thirty five, it's over, if you're ever going to do it, you have to do it now"....

Then the first time I held my daughter in my arms I thought, why did I think music was the most important thing in life and everything else was infringing on my time spent doing it? I can't believe how self-involved I was.

Music is still part of me and what not, but if it's between hanging out with my daughter and being a great husband during the family time hours or being a self-involved dick and sequestering myself away from them in pursuit of my "art" - then it's no contest. My family wins - and I no longer feel like I'm missing anything, either. And if it's between buying that fancy new compressor or saving for her college fund - I don't need the shiny new toy when I have a basement full of gear that can do the job already.

Whoever said above that you lose your old life but gain a new one that has so much more meaning - spot on. I had no idea that was the case until it happened to me but that is the absolute truth.

[mikeyc]

Congrats, Wolfman! The first few weeks are full of big changes for baby and parents alike. The first time Stella projectile pooped on me, I knew things had changed forever.

Best of luck!

[littlepokey]

wintershed wrote:
Patchbays can be fun toys.

as can knobs, pushbuttons, faders, toggle switches, computer and synthesiser keyboards, the carefully routed and secured cabling in back of the racks...

I agree. My son will sit there for a very long time turning knobs. I guess he's turning into a geek like me.

[Jon Nolan]

about a month ago I put in for a promotion at my DEAD end job because the wife and I have our first son on the way. It felt like driving the nails into the coffin of my musical life.

aw, man! don't worry! everybody gets freaked out by having a kid take comfort in the fact that plenty of us music types have gone before you and, many are right here - still recording and making music. it's all good.

But, i understand how you feel. i've been home with my kids since they came along - twin 3 1/2 year old girls, and a 16 month old boy.

everybody and their mother's uncle canyou how hard it is to have a kid in ways you'd understand, but one can't really understand the joys until they have a child of their own. it's new emotional territory. everybody knows what it's like to hear a kid screaming bloody murder in a restaurant. everybody understands how annoying a kid melting down can be, or imagine how stressful and tiring it can be never getting sleep, but watching your kids be-bopping down the street on a sunny day,window shopping with "mom" on mothers day is something profoundly satisfying. it can't articulated.

it can be damn hard to be a parent, BUT - it's as good as it is hard. it evens out.

"the dream" doesn't have to die, but it probably has to change. i know that might sound like a rocker-dad cop-out, something to soothe myself with. maybe so, but i'm damn happy.

as someone else mentioned, a supportive mate is hugely important! i still manage to sneak away to my space at least for a few hours, a few nights a week. i still play throughout new england, and until recently, i was the music editor for a local arts rag. the wife is a school teacher, and so i'm trying to book my summer solid in order to get my chops up and earn a few bucks. i'm hoping to be decent by the time my last kid hits school.

in any case, it can be done!

*end of rant*

cheers,
Jon

ps - obligatory pic:

[death by chandelier]

I'm a stay-at-home-dad. Have been for 7 years (7 year old girl and 4 year old boy).

I'm amazed at all the other stay-at-home-dads on this board. I don't feel so weird and alone now.

I was in a pretty time consuming band before my daughter was born. The band broke up before her birth (not because of it). I've always been doing something musical since becoming a dad. I have a very supportive wife who encourages me to keep creating.

Someone mentioned having a place to have your stuff set up so you can tuck the kids in and then go hit record. I couldn't agree more. Right now all I do is write and record my own stuff. No playing out - but maybe one day.

I was doing some mods on a Korg Poly-800. My kids thought I was building the whole keyboard. I let them think that.

Kids are great.

[Cyan421]

thanks for the encouragement Jon N. and other.

Its been a crazy emotional rollarcoaster and I still have to help my wife through "natural" labor! I have an awsome AWSOME wife! I think most of the stress comes from being in "survival" mode. Thinking about how were going pay all of the bill and stuff is pretty scarry. I think ill be ok as long as I don't to start selling guitars.

Wow! all the stay at home dads! My wife and I have talked about that because she is the one with the "real" degree.