I bought my girlfriend a guitar

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Sean Sullivan
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I bought my girlfriend a guitar

Post by Sean Sullivan » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:07 am

Ok, so I bought my girlfriend an Epiphone SJ-18SCE today because her Ibanez fell off its stand several months ago and the head stock broke off and we got a call yesterday saying it can't be repaired. The Epiphone was $150 with a hard shell case, which seems like a good deal because I think I remember them being over $400 new.

But the point of this isn't the guitar. It's the fact that all I buy for my girlfriend is music stuff. I got her a Danelectro D3 and a Vox Pathfinder for her birthday. Records and books about music (33 1/2 series and the Replacements biography) for christmas...I think I have a problem not being able to branch out and think of original gifts. I mean, she needs a new acoustic, but what else is a good gift for a girl? I mean, I should know her well enough, and she does love music, and I feel weird buying her clothes (I did also get her a jacket for chirstmas) but still, it's mostly always been music related.

We are moving in together in July, is stuff like furniture a bad gift? I'm kind of afraid of jewelry.
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kojdogg
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Post by kojdogg » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:22 am

why not ask her what she likes rather than asking some random dudes on a recording message board :)?
as a former certified (recovering) marriage/family therapist, i can tell you that you shouldn't expect yourself to read her mind (nor vice versa) on this or other issues.
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Last edited by kojdogg on Thu Mar 17, 2011 6:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

RoyMatthews
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Post by RoyMatthews » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:31 am

kojdogg wrote:why not ask her what she likes rather than asking some random dudes on a recording message board :)?
as a former certified (recovering) marriage/family therapist, i can tell you that you shouldn't expect yourself to read her mind (nor vice versa) on this or other issues.
/\ What he said.

Though I am a fan of Threadless t-shirts (http://www.threadless.com/).
Also sit her down and get all of her sizes, shirt, shoes, ring, unmentionables etc. Write'em down now. There's nothing worse then when it gets near her birthday and you're like "What's your hat size again? Not that I'm getting you a hat..."
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Post by wren » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:31 am

This is totally based on my experience, but: make her stuff. Record her a song, make/write her a card, pick her some flowers (many, many more points for actually picking them vs. buying them).

I don't know her (I don't think), but most women (and I hate to generalize here, but...) seem to like one of two categories of things: a) consumer-ish things, the more money they cost the better, as the more you spent on them the more you care about them; or b) little things, original things that don't necessarily serve a practical function but show her that you care and actually think about her often. If she's of the a type, you'll just have to spend lots of money; the b type, just a nice card for no occasion is good.

I'm a guy. I'm very practical. I like practical gifts, things I can use. I have a hard time relating to the fact that my girlfriend has an entire bookcase in our room devoted to framed stuff that her mom gave her. She actually values and appreciates all this random stuff, not because of what it is but because of who gave it to her and why they gave it to her. Once again, I can't relate (and I foresee some serious space issues in the future, as she just keeps getting more and more stuff), but keep in mind here that it's the thought that counts, not the item itself.
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Kindly Killer
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Post by Kindly Killer » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:39 am

There are two facets of the mentality of the female species I've been able to figure out that guide my gift-giving to my wife: "I just want to live a little," and, "I want security." On the first one, the more unexpected/frivolous it is, the better. Day at the spa, call her at her work from nearby [impractical] restaurant for surprise lunch, little vacations - just the next town over counts as a vacation if you stay overnight. That kind of thing - silly ass fun that costs just a little more than you would ordinarily spend.

On the security thing, jewelry is ideal because it is a real capital investment (a good buy on jewelry will gain value with age - not the shopping mall stuff), PLUS everyone likes to feel like a big shot, wearing expensive stuff. Jewelry also makes her think of the relationship in terms of how you are taking care of her, which may not be the most popular mindset anymore, but I personally like to keep things that way between me and my wife. When I was dating my wife, I was ready to marry her before I was ready [financially] to buy the kind of ring I wanted to put on her finger. I bought her a gorgeous Seiko watch, earrings, a pendant, etc - all sub-$1k trinkets that still counted as serious jewelry until I got a ring. As it turned out, my grandfather passed away during this time and I inherited a suitable ring that was my grandmother's, so things just took care of themselves.

The frivolity thing is easy to do IMO - just any unexpected fun, really. The security thing is trickier, but basically anything you do that says, "I am going to take care of you," is going to go over. Don't know where you're at in your relationship, but if you're moving in, furniture sounds good to me - that's kinda like an investment - it's cash flow at the very least, something she doesn't have to buy. I guess I'd say that if you are shying away from jewelry but want to make a similar gesture, try for something that will increase in value, something she can show off and tell people you gave her, something that has real monetary value.

BTW: there is no neck/headstock fracture that can't be repaired - there is very little that you can do to a musical instrument that can't be undone with sufficient will. When a tech says something can't be fixed, you have to figure out why he's telling you that. Maybe he doesn't know how to fix it; maybe he doesn't want to explain the cost effectiveness and other issues; maybe he wants the instrument for himself. I did tech as a fun/profitable sideline for years, and I can't tell you how many people I've talked into repairing their otherwise good Gibson with a headstock crack. People nowadays have a use-and-discard mentality toward anything they buy in a store, and some techs take advantage - I certainly could have.

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Sean Sullivan
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Post by Sean Sullivan » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:39 am

My girlfriend certainly is a mix of the likes expensive things and hand made gift. For Valentines day all she wanted was a mix CD and a card, but with the apartment she would rather live in a one bedroom condo type place then a 3 bedroom house that would cost the same amount because the condo is nicer. Me, on the other hand, am used to living in old houses and would rather have extra space then fresh paint and carpet. I'm also one of those guys who would buy all their furniture off craigslist.

She's also one of those girls who if you ask what she wants, she says "I don't need anything", so it's hard to shop for her.
Still waiting for a Luna reunion

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Post by KennyLusk » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:45 am

If that's the kind of stuff she likes then what's the problem? Maybe that's one of the thing's she likes so much about you; that you understand her core needs and desires. If expressing her creative energies through music is a major part of her life then you're a hero for supporting that. I don't see that you have a problem at all. Buy her more gear. :twisted:
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Sean Sullivan
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Post by Sean Sullivan » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:46 am

Kindly Killer wrote: BTW: there is no neck/headstock fracture that can't be repaired - there is very little that you can do to a musical instrument that can't be undone with sufficient will. When a tech says something can't be fixed, you have to figure out why he's telling you that. Maybe he doesn't know how to fix it; maybe he doesn't want to explain the cost effectiveness and other issues; maybe he wants the instrument for himself. I did tech as a fun/profitable sideline for years, and I can't tell you how many people I've talked into repairing their otherwise good Gibson with a headstock crack. People nowadays have a use-and-discard mentality toward anything they buy in a store, and some techs take advantage - I certainly could have.
I have no idea what about it could not be fixed, it didn't seem like a big deal. Maybe the repairs made to the neck came undone with the tension from the strings...I don't know. It wasn't an expensive guitar, they are $200 new, and it would probably cost as much to get it fixed as it would to replace it. The Epiphone is a much nicer guitar, so I hope she likes it.

I like all your other advice. Jewelry just doesn't make much sense to me because it's not something you really use...a watch is a good idea though. I think that's one of the big differences between men and women, is that men want things that do stuff, and women don't always looks at things the same way.

I think trips are the way to go. We went to Memphis a few months ago and really enjoyed ourselves. It was only a three hour drive, the hotel for two nights was $120, and I think we spent around $150 running around and eating out. I enjoy it.

My major problem is, being a young college student, that money doesn't always come easy. And when I spend $300 going to Memphis for the weekend, I sometimes think to myself "dang, I could have bought all those plug-ins for Pro Tools that I've been wanting". I guess I need to learn to stop being selfish.
Still waiting for a Luna reunion

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Post by Jeff White » Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:00 am

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Post by lapsteel » Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:31 am

minorleagues wrote:She's also one of those girls who if you ask what she wants, she says "I don't need anything", so it's hard to shop for her.
There's your answer. If she gets frustrated tell her that she said she didn't need anything. :lol:

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Post by LeedyGuy » Sat Feb 23, 2008 12:51 pm

pedalsteel wrote:
minorleagues wrote:She's also one of those girls who if you ask what she wants, she says "I don't need anything", so it's hard to shop for her.
There's your answer. If she gets frustrated tell her that she said she didn't need anything. :lol:
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Post by RefD » Sat Feb 23, 2008 1:13 pm

i'm SO glad my wife always just comes right out and says what it is she wants!

she's also not into trinkets and crap.

OTOH, i'm always looking at amps and pedals and guitars and keyboards and preamps and compressors and becos of that she thinks i'm mental.

i probly am.
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Post by calaverasgrandes » Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:17 pm

Most chicks really dig tiny stuff. Tiny cute stuff never fails. Next time get her a tiny guitar. Or some tiny effects boxes.
Or you could do like JT on SNL did and give her your " ____ in a box".
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Post by MichaelAlan » Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:32 pm

Can't go wrong with Bath and Body Works. Seriously. Unless she doesn't like to smell nice.

But that's just for your average maintanence. For times when you want to really score points you have to be sneaky like a ninja and find out junk she wants then buy it before she has a chance. Or just listen to her when she talks. That's always a toughie.



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Post by RefD » Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:34 pm

calaverasgrandes wrote:Or some tiny effects boxes.
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