Paying too much attention to the man behind the curtain...

[jhcore]

I've been playing music since I was 8 and first went into a studio with my big dumb rock band when I was 15. Completely transfixed by the process, I knew that recording was something I wanted to be a part of.

Now, as a 13-year recording hobbyist who has managed to eke out a modicum of work from it (peripheral associate engineer at a studio, had a handful of bands pick me to record demos, etc.), I've yet to get over a certain feeling of...well:

FRAUD.

I'm also a web designer, artist, part-time BBQ caterer, and in all these pursuits, I feel like I'm so consumed by process that it's next to impossible to detach myself from it all and see things objectively. I fully see "the man behind the curtain", and with the knowledge of what went into any given product, I often feel like my work just couldn't possibly stack up against anything remotely "pro."

And with recording, I'm finding it's like painting: keep second-guessing and overworking, things tend to turn to mud.

So at what point during your audio sculpting pursuits did you realize, "Dammit, I'm talented, and I'm going to utilize this skill for the greater sonic good"?

[chris harris]

For me, it was 7 years after I had started recording friends' bands and getting in a good 3 - 5 days a week of work before I was consistently handing over mixes that I was confident were badass mixes. And, another 3 to 4 years after that before I was confident mastering other people's recordings.

[jhcore]

Kickass.

But what was the "it" that said that your early, nascent recording was indicative of badassery?

[chris harris]

Hmmmm... I don't know. Maybe confidence in my taste and ability to recognize good sounds when I heard them. I also think that while many of my friends/peers were obsessing over gear, I was desperate to get in as much experience as possible.

Honestly, many of my early recordings didn't show much promise at all.

Good taste and determination kept me going.

[Marc Alan Goodman]

The only reason to do it is because you love it and think your own personal aesthetic is valid. Being confident is hard, but you wouldn't even be bothering if somewhere inside you didn't think you had a handle on it.

You're absolutely right that you can second guess any record into mud. Someone once told me that the best kindergarden art teachers are the ones who take the paper away at the right time. Leave it there long enough and any kid will just turn it in to a brown smudge.

[drumsound]

This is a really interesting quandary. I sometimes feel like I'm amazing, and other times think I'm average at best. I feel pretty confident that I know my way around making as best a record that any given band is capable at that moment. I feel I have a certain skill set and aesthetic that produces results.

[A.David.MacKinnon]

I feel pretty confident that I know my way around making as best a record that any given band is capable at that moment.

Exactly. I don't know when it happened but at some point I transitioned from thinking I didn't know what I was doing to realizing I had a handle on things and could devote the nervous part of my brain to thinking about what approach would work best for the situation at hand. What got me from point A to Point B was making lots and lots of very different records. Learn everything you can and try out every different approach you can.

[Bro Shark]

I remember once reading an Albini article or online post where he copped to feeling like a fraud most of his life, always at risk of being "found out." Not to say the man is a fraud, or lacks confidence, but what I took away from that is the reassurance that we all at times feel inadequate, even when the exact opposite is true.

Believe in yourself.

[kslight]

I feel the same way. I'm working on a record right now and I just don't like the drum tones at all. I did not record them, but they were done at a studio I always work out of, and the engineer while not a rock star engineer I don't expect garbage out of him either, he's been doing it longer than I've been around. But I'm mixing on it anyway, and I...just don't like a lot about it. Then I pull up a mix of a various songs I did at the same studio with the same drummer and same drum kit, but I recorded the drums...and it is just night and day amazing. So I'm trying to figure out what mistakes I've made in mixing this current record so I can make up the difference. I do know that the engineer was using different mics than I do, and while he used the same pres I know he doesn't EQ like I do, and obviously its a different day and the mics are not in the same spot...etc...but I just don't feel like it should have made that big of a difference, like the weakness is in my mix more than his recording. Especially since the mics I did use were nothing great either. So here I am doubting.

[Nick Sevilla]

The first time a paying client smiled from ear to ear.

[JGriffin]

I've been employed full-time as a recording engineer for over 20 years. I still feel like I'm going to be "found out."

Of course, I feel like that about my guitar playing too. I was on a set break Saturday, feeling like I was just stinking up the joint something fierce, and a guy from a pretty successful local group walked up and said "you're a hell of a guitar slinger." So I'm fairly certain I haven't got the most objective self-image.

[vvv]

I think it important, for me, to note that me and the kids just watched, Oz the Great and Powerful (which was just aiight), and say no more ...

[lefthanddoes]

I know that feeling well. It still happens to me sometimes, less so than years ago.
THis may sound weird, but I think things improved when I decided to only do the bare minimum necessary to get me where I'd be comfortable/confident with the finished product. I feel like it's easy to keep doing, like, other extra stuff, that doesn't get you closer to that goal, but instead just gets you deeper into a lack of perspective, i.e., weird surgical EQ that doesn't help anything. It's not like you have bad taste in sound, so whatever you end up feeling good about is probably going to sound great.
If at every point, you're just like, "what does this really need?" you'll quickly get to know yourself well, and develop that problem solving skillset really well, and learn better and faster from experiences.

[Zygomorph]

I totally feel you on this.

I can't say I've made a "career" or "profession" out of making recordings, but it has certainly been a big part of how I understand myself and how I spend my time. And there's always the lurking feeling that I ought to be doing something differently in order to more closely resemble the status-quo (whatever that is), and to perhaps be more "successful".

But as I get older, I realize that it has benefitted for me to keep things in perspective and to realize that I really have no obligation to do anything except what I feel is right, in my heart of hearts.

I think those moments where we feel like we may be "found out" are sometimes an indication that we're not entirely in communion with what we are doing in the moment.

"Well, how did I get here?"

Always a good question to ask yourself, and as often as possible. One possible response:

"There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you were meant to be, it's easy!"

But John's advice should always be taken with a grain of salt.[/i]

[vvv]

Wait, was that Lennon answering Byrne?