musician jokes....yes.

[thedishonestdon]

what does a drummer use for birth control?






his personality.

[jerrymac]

What is the sound of perfect pitch?

The accordion hitting the banjo in the dumpster.



(I own both accordions and a banjo.)


....and now the highbrow musician symphony joke


what is the sound of a semi-tone?
two oboes playing the same note.

(oboes are very hard to tune)
( i was a stage manager for a symphony last year. their awful humor must have rubbed off.)



jerry

[goldstar]

What is the difference between a drummer and a gorilla?




A gorilla would never stay up until 5 in the morning in the vain attempt to f**k another gorilla.

[cgarges]

what's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
you only have to punch the beat into the machine once.

Awesome.

About the piano player jokes, I dig Space Echo's. I think Matt Bonelli (former bass player for the Bee Gees) told me that one.
He also told me the "Drums stop, very bad" variation of "drums stop, bass solo!" but Jason beat me to it.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[auralman]

Q: An English horn, a Viola, and an accordian are all thrown off a roof. Which hits first?
A: Are you certain they were all thrown off?


Q: What's a viola good for?
A: Firewood.


Q: What do you do if a trombone player comes to the door?
A: Give him the money, take the pizza.


-cheers

[NewAndImprov]

....and now the highbrow musician symphony joke

My fave:

What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On a bull, the horns are at the front and the asshole's at the rear.

[dr.ona]

what do you call a drummer when his girlfriend leaves him ?

homeless

[Kyle]

What is the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?

A mutual fund will mature and make money.

[bobbydj]

Why are drummers stinky and vile?

[supafuzz]

What do you call the trombone player at a wedding gig?

Busboy.

[flatcat]

These are so great....thanks.

How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving

I heard the definition of perfect pitch was when the banjo doesn't hit the sides of the dumpster as you throw it in, but that's me.

A boy says to his father, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to be a musician."
The father says, "Son, you can't have it both ways."

[MD]

old one:
Why do A&R men have ears?



To hold up their glasses.

Another:
How many producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




We'll take care of that later.

[greatmagnet]

Oh, those are too good. Especially the engineer/producer jokes. Here's two more:

Q: Why don't emo kids ever excel in the martial arts?
A: Because they can't seem to get past that white belt.

Q: Why aren't indie kids good lovers?
A: Because they're always complaining about the 7 inches that they don't have.

[JGriffin]

Q: What do you call two guitar players sightreading the same piece of sheet music?

A: Counterpoint.

Q:How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune?
A:Evidently, all of them.

[coolbreezes]

I heard this one the other day................

Question: What has seven arms and sucks?

Answer: Def Leppard