Silly client expressions

[twitchmonitor]

Inspired by the ?silly studio expressions? thread?..the ?silly client expressions? thread.

Here's a few I?ve heard

So, are you going to mic it with the 3:1 rule or are you going to use condensers? (huh?)

Can we make it sound super slick?.like a total ?studio? album (yeah, no problem. My home studio can probably make tracks that sound like they were done at AIR studios?)

Can you make my _____________ sound more______________ ?eg., can you make my guitar solo sound more bombastic? (sorry, my bombast knob is on the repair bench

Can you make it sound like it did on my 4 track demo? (um, maybe if you brought me the 4 track tape I could try to recreate it, but I know, that?s probably just too much to ask)

Can you fix the _____________?

And I once had a guy ask if I could just ?make it awesome.?

These are pretty run of the mill. Maybe you guys have had some more interesting ones.

[Al]

How F***in much!!!!!!??


Al

[b3groover]

"Can you make the guitarist sound like Mark Knoppfler?"

[rydberg]

I once watched a guest engineer break out a tape measure to make sure the 3:1 rule was in effect.



strictly amateur hour.


P.

[twitchmonitor]

I once watched a guest engineer break out a tape measure to make sure the 3:1 rule was in effect.



strictly amateur hour.


P.

Yeah, man....it seems to be the pet recording "technique" of recording newbs. My roommate, who just got his first Pro Tools system, is a NUT for that 3:1 shit. It's practically all he ever talks about.

[cgarges]

Keyboard player, after playing thick voicings over the OTHER keyboard track and two other guitar parts and hearing from me and the rest of the band that the shit ain't working:

"You guys just aren't used to hearing a good voicing."


Here's are some other favorites that I get ALL THE TIME:

"Do you really know what all this stuff (or all these knobs and buttons) does (do)?"

"I wanna MIDI up my keyboard to your computer?" when I'm not using a computer or their project has nothing to do with MIDI. Sometimes, when I figure out that they want to sync their keyboard to the recording device, they NEVER know how to get their keyboard to receive sync or drive a setup like that.


Here's one I got the other day while working on a RADAR 24 with Nyquist converters:

"Yeah, I think I've got that same program at home. Same company and everything."


Not really in the studio, but amusing nonetheless--From the guy next to me at the counter of a local pawn shop when I was purchasing a Lexicon Model 200 (the huge old 80s digital 'verbs):

"Oh yeah, man, I used to have one of those at home. You can make some bad sounds with that!"

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[cgarges]

Oh, there's also a famous story in this area about a female singer (who I have worked with, so I totally believe this story) who was really, really bitchy and whiny on stage, in rehearsal, and of course, in the studio. So, she's doing this session with one of the better engineers around here and she demands "more SMPTE in the headphones." "What?" the engineer asked. "I NEED more SMPTE in the headphones!" she insists. So this engineer, who wasn't known for his patience, let the 2" roll and BLASTED the sync tone in her cue mix! Gotta love it.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[drew w]

"can I get some more headroom?"

[MarcoPogo]

***We had a client say to our #1 studio drummer: "could you play something more........rhythmic?"

I've also had the following:

"could you make it sound more green?"

"could you make it sound more Italian?"

"could you make it sound less...professional?"

That I can- how unprofessional do you want to sound? (Hand hovers over Big Muff <pi>)

-MR

[Professor]

Umm, dare I even say, "more me in the headphones!" - Though I love it when they say I need only turn it up in their headphones when they are all plugged into the same box on the floor.

"Yeah, the guy across town said he wanted $500 to record our epic double album, but I figure we can buy the gear and do it ourselves for that much... so what would you charge?"

And because of where I am, I've discovered a new one:
"I'm a student here and I pay tuition which pays your salary, so you can't charge me to record. I should be able to use the studio for free, man"

To which I reply, 'right-oh there, sport. There are 18,000 students here and I work 40 hrs per week which is 600 hours per semester, or 2 minutes per student, and you've already wasted your first one.' Or if I'm less pissed at the guy I might actually use logic like, 'and just because you "pay" for the chemistry lab, does that mean you can go in there and play with the chemicals whenever you please?'

And while this one only happened once, it is so very memorable... I was doing sound for a play a couple years ago and had a director ask me,
"Can you make it sound hot on stage?"

-Jeremy

[Professor]

Oh, oh, and don't forget:

"Well we've got three songs and they're only about 4 minutes each so I figure we only like a half an hour. What'll that cost?"

and

"Oh we have our shit down, so we should get everything on the first take."



-J

[drumsound]

After I applied a delay to repeat one word at the end of a phrase the guitar player said:

"It just sounds too high-tech."

I'm pretty sure Les Paul was doing this in like 1948...

[Dan Phelps]

My favorite Producer-ism: "We love what you're trying to do."

Is it a compliment? A slam? It's both!

And also:

"I use this (insert prosumer guitar-centric muli effects foot pedal here). It does everything."

Sigh.

Dan

[bigtoe]

o i love threads like these...

- head of band - to the guy playing guitar in the next studio over while we're recording:

"HEY MAN...WE'VE GOT SOME 'QUAN-TEE-GEE' SHIT ROLLIN' IN HERE..."

- an old 'client' trying to convince me of his wisdom - "we didn't know how to make records then...i mean this was before the internet."

- potential booking ala the prof's - "I figure we can get set up in 15 miuntes and run through our songs in a 1/2 hour...so we'll need about an hour studio time...wait...do you charge for set up?"

- drummer who has trouble playing snare consistantly - "i'm a finesse player!'

- singer before belting out one of the best vocals i've ever heard - "now...you're not dealing with... a very confident young man here..."

- band not wanting to cough up bread after the session "i mean we have it individually but we can't do it out of pocket."

- rock god right before laying down amazing guitar solo - "oh, well, i don't know...i guess we can try one and see what happens..."

Mike

[Interzone]

" I need a .25 millisecond delay on the guitar in the left channel"
Do you mean, maybe, 25 or 250?
"No. Never mind, they only have that stuff in the big studios in LA".


Guy with Rickenbacker bass:
"The bass should sound like Duck Dunn"