PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, I AM THE NEW GIANT! WHILE ALL OF YOU WASTE YOUR TIME AND $, I AM QUIETLY PRODUCING MASTERPIECES THAT I WILL UNLEASH ON THE WORLD! HOW, YOU MAY ASK? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? VERY SIMPLE: WITH MINIMAL, INEXPENSIVE GEAR I WILL, AS KRUSCHCHEV SAID, "BURY YOU". LET ME EXPLAIN:
FIRST, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MIC YOU USE! ALL YOUR OLD, OVERPRICED NEUMANNS, TELEFUNKENS, ANCIENT AKGS ARE ICONS ABOUT TO BE TOPPLED! WHY? ONE WORD: MODELLING! ALL I USE IS OKTAVAS AND MXL'S, ETC THROUGH A DBX PROVOCAL, WHICH FEATURES MIC AND PRE MODELLING, BITCHES! YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR ANCIENT RCA RIBBONS UP YOUR ARSES! ALL I NEED TO DO IS TURN ONE KNOB, TO "RIBBON" AND I'VE GOT A RIBBON MIC SOUND YOU'D PIMP YOUR MOMS FOR! IF I WANT A VINTAGE C12 SOUND, I DIAL IT IN! FOR $200! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I RECORD TO TAPE, BABY! OTARI 8 TRACK ALL THE WAY! HOW MUCH DID THAT COST ME? NOT 1/10TH OF YOUR FUCKING STUDERS YOU USELESS WHELPS! OFF AXIS REJECTION? WHO THE FUCK CARES? PHASE RELATIONSHIPS? FUCK YOU!!!!! ACOUSTIC TREATMENT? I'LL SPEND THAT $25,000 ON COKE AND WHORES AND KRISTAL! COMPRESSION? FUCK YOU AND YOUR DISTRESSORS AND 1176'S! ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS RNC! DBX 163! GET IT?????
BUT THE REAL KICKER IS MY FINAL SECRET WEAPON. YOU ALL GO AHEAD AND WASTE ALL YOUR HOURS JERKING OFF OVER EVERY LITTLE MIC PLACEMENT DETAIL AND YOUR ASSFUCKING 3:1 RATIOS, I HAVE AN AURAL EXCITER AND A BBE SONIC MAXIMIZER!!!! I RUN ALL MY MIXES THRU THEM AND WHAM! PEREFECT MIXES YOU ALL WOULD JERK OFF WITH A SANDPAPER GLOVE OVER!
WHEN THE PUBLIC GETS A HOLD OF MY SHIT, YOU ALL ARE DONE!!!!! NO ONE WILL PAY YOU ABSURD $ IN YOUR LA AND NYC SHITHOLES FOR WHAT I CAN DO BETTER. I'LL BE RICH AND YOU'LL BE FUCKED!!!!HAHAHAHAHA! SELL OF ALL THAT OVERPRICED SHIT NOW BEOFRE IT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS!! SIGN UP FOR COMMUNITY COLLEGE COURSES BOYS, YOU'RE GONNA NEED A NEW OCCUPATION. A WISE MAN IN A GREAT MOVIE ONCE SAID "THE WORLD NEEDS DITCH DIGGERS"!
I'LL SEE YOU BOYS IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE WHEN I DRIVE BY IN MY NEW MERCEDES! THANK HOLY JESUS ON HIGH FOR GEORGE W. BUSH AND HIS TAX CUT FOR ME! I'LL NEED IT! NOW LET'S GET THIS COUNTRY ON THE RIGHT COURSE AND BOMB THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF ALL THOSE FUCKING TOWELHEAD BASTARDS WHO CAN'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH! GOTTA GO, I'M HAVING LUNCH WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE FCC AND THE CEO OF CLEAR CHANNEL, WE'RE GONNA WIPE YOU FUCKS OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!!!!!
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