musician jokes....yes.

[thearnicasync]

I really don't know why I decided these were funny tonight.


What did the Pro-tools Engineer say to the musician?
That Sucked, Come on in!



How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, what do you think!



How many Nashville bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1, 5, 1, 5, 1



How many lead vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, He holds it and the world revolves around him!


What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool!



?Kenny G walked into an elevator and goes,,, "man this place is Rockin!"



?Why don't drummers make kool-aid?
They can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in that little envelope!



How can you tell if the stage is level?
The drummer has drool coming out of both sides of his mouth!



?

[thearnicasync]

Ya know, it's always kind of surprised me that people stereotype drummers as, well....simple. I'm not a drummer, and I think good drummers are geniuses.

Hmm.

[wing]

I'm not a drummer, and I think good drummers are geniuses.

Thank you.

[dirtdog]

How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. That's what the piano player's left hand is for.

[Larsen]

Good drummers are indeed brilliant people...when they show up for practice...

With that in mind...
.
What has three legs and an asshole on top?

a drumstool.
.

How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

12

one to do it and eleven to say "man....I can do that".

[Seventh Wave Studio]

A boy begs his parents for bass lessons. They finally agree. The first night after the lesson, he walks in the door.

"What did you learn, son?" the parents ask.

"I learned the first 3 notes on the bottom string"

The night after the second lesson, he walks in.

"What did you learn, son?" the parents ask.

"I learned the first 3 notes on the next string"

The thrid day, he comes in at 3 am, drunk, smelling like smoke.

"What the hell is this?", the parents ask.

The boy replies, "I have all these gigs now!"

[J.B.Horns]

How many straight-edgers does it take to screw in a light bulb?........Eleven. One to screw it in, and ten to back him up.

How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?..........Two. One to screw it in, and one to write a song about it.

How many indie rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.......What, you don't know?

[Bear]

How many ravers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

30. 1 to screw it in, 29 to make flyers.

[mpedrummer]

Q - What do you throw a drowning bassist?

A - His amp.



Q - What do you do when there's a screaming, bleeding vocalist in your yard?

A - Stop laughing and reload.

[I'm Painting Again]

I don't know any musician jokes but heres a good one :

What did the dislexic agnostic insomniac do?

ha ha give up?

Stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

[cgarges]

Why can't a drummer tell a joke timing?

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A viola burns longer.

What's the difference between a bull and a big band?
On a bull, the horns are in the front and the asshole's in the back.

What's the difference between a dead snake in the middle of the road and a dead trombone player in the middle of the road?
The snake was on his way to a gig.

What's the height of optimism?
A banjo player with a pager.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they have machines that do that now.

How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None, jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.

Why is a bass solo like an orgasm?
'Cause you know it's coming and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you know when a drummer's at you door?
The knock slows down.

How do you know when a guitarist is at your front door?
The knock speeds up.

How do you know when a chick singer is at your door?
She can't find the key and when she does, she doesn't know when to come in.

Best! I could go on.

Chris Garges
Charlotte, NC

[djslayerissick]

"How do you know when a chick singer is at your door?
She can't find the key and when she does, she doesn't know when to come in. "

ITS TRUE!

unfortunately, i've dealt with this scenario one-too-many times. 4 different girls, all with this same problem. it was a holy horror trying to get them to even match a note on a piano. they could either find it or they couldnt, no guarentees. and, jeebis hab mercy, memorize the freakin song so i dont have to que you at every live show.

other than that, 3 of the 4 were awesome. each with a very unique voice, gorgeous clean vocals and scary as hell metal screams. when i and one of the girls would scream at the same time, it was ridiculous. it was so full range, like double tracking rhythm guitars at the octaves - knock you across the room brutality. and YET, i never once heard a complaint that it was painful or annoying b/c we rarely did it.

[XXGABEXX]

How many indie rockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.......What, you don't know?

Oh hell yea... that's funny. I gotta share that one. Thanks!

Oh, another sXe joke: How many straight edgers does it take to drink a six-pack?

Only one if his friends aren't around.

-GABE

[supafuzz]

why did the drummer leave his sticks on the dashboard of his car?

so he could park in the handicapped parking space...


an accordian player was on his way to a gig and stopped to get some coffee
all of a sudden he realized that he left the car unlocked and his accordian in plain view on the front seat...he rushed back to the car but it was too late
someone had broken in and left 3 other accordians in the car.


what do you call a deaf guy that hangs out with musicians?

the drummer..

a young boy comes running out of a club on day with a bass player chasing him..he catches the boy and starts choking him.. the cops show up and break it up. When .they question the bass player he replies."I was practising and put the bass down for a minute... this kid comes in and untunes one of the strings........and he wouldn't tell me which one it was!!


that's all ya'll
i play all of the above so it's self deprecating humor...

harley

www.harleyfine.com
'hidden drive' new cd soon

[bedbug]

Great stuff. True story - I've got a friend who I'm conviced must be a masochist. He's a drummer and he's in law school. A drummer and a lawyer, man. He's putting himself at the butt of every joke!