Hot Dog Amplifier

[Poncival]

I have been doing some experiments lately with running my mixes through a pair of Kahn's all-beef hot dogs on the way to the 1/2" and I was wondering if anyone else was having any luck with this. I've been using a Crown DC-300 as a front end for the hot dogs and it's been working nicely, I can get a nice juicy signal off the hot dogs and then run it through a DI into the tape deck. If I run the mix on the way into the amplifier a little hotter, I can actually start to smell the hot dogs cooking while I am running a mix onto tape.

I like this sound and I want to keep it up but I am having problems with the fact that the hot dogs tend to start to get a little grainy sounding towards the end of the song as they become more well- done and naturally it's always one channel deteriorating before the other so it's a rare case when I don't have to punch in on a mix with fresh hot dogs at the beginning of each chorus. I've tried keeping them on ice, using fans, freon, etc. but nothing seems to work as well as just the straight hot dogs getting warm from the amplifier's outputs into a transformer DI.
So now I am constantly swapping out the hot dogs, I mean it was cool at first because everybody likes a nice hot dog now and then but you know, sometimes those mixes don't come out right the first time and then it's 29 hot dogs later before you get the master and you get a little sick of them.

I have tried Ball Park, bun-length and regular, Oscar Mayer, Boars Head, and some of the store brands from around here, and there's just something about the Kahn's all-beefs that seems to dominate. The Boars head ones were more consistant and I guess because there's more salt in them I got a better high end coming off the back but, well, you know how the DC 300 is anyway so I figured the Kahn's were smoother sounding and they're cheaper anyway so if I have to replace them all the time I might as well use the ones that sound the best.

I have heard about some kind of a rack mount unit with a built in amplifier and replaceable hot dog cartridges that can be washed and reused, and the plus and the minus sign and everything so you can line the hot dogs up right. I'm ready to take this to the next level and commit to a piece of gear that will facilitate this and offer me a certain level of consistancy and maybe some more life expectancy from the hot dogs. I'm willing to sacrifice some of the advantages of the home brew system if it will mean I don't have to eat hot dogs all day all the time while I am mixing. Anyone who has heard of this please let me know where I can find one. I think this is the future.

[audiopirate]

I can see nothing wrong with eating hot dogs all day long during mix sessions........

[rhythm ranch]

...and the plus and the minus sign and everything so you can line the hot dogs up right.

People! How many times do we have to go over this? Hot dogs do not have a polarity. You can run your wiener in any direction you like.

[Kilroy]

lol

[bedbug]

Would a potato work?

[vvv]

Poncival, you are such a weinie! I mean, I can't believe I read that whole thing.

Didja try kosher?

[rhythm ranch]

I'm lost. What are you guys talking about. Are you guys serious. Please explain, thanks.

I'm sure you've heard people talking about trying to get a "meatier" sound. This is how it's done.

Although, for real meat in your mixes nothing beats kielbasa:


Or even better, head cheese:

[thirdworldlover]

Brilliant.

[twitchmonitor]

Running the signal through a dog and into an analog tape deck: The Original D/A conversion.

[Randy]

I have had luck insulating the hot dogs with peanut butter. This makes for a creamy high end. The chunky varieties tend to give more gain, but you of course get problems with grainy-ness.

This might render the hot dogs inedible to some of the more weak-stomached clients.

[E-Rock]

Fuck Yeah!
This just made my day

[rob]

TOFU BABY!!!!!

[twitchmonitor]

ooops....

[SlabOLab]

I'm ready to take this to the next level and commit to a piece of gear that will facilitate this and offer me a certain level of consistancy and maybe some more life expectancy from the hot dogs.

If you're serious about investing in gourmet sound, then you really should treat yourself to a racked vintage DeliTray. They were the best at maintaining a uniform meatiness with multiple temperature-stabilized hot dogs- sometimes they can stretch it out for a whole week without noticable artifacts!. If you get the lunchbox you can switch out yer dogs easily to customize the sound, and a further advantage is that you can add different patchable modules. You'll be able to put the creamy penut butter sound right next to the Skippy Extra Chunky, or follow the meaty head cheese module with a half pint of sour cream (stay away from the generic brands though - trust me on this).

My favorite so far is Kosher Jumbos through quad bundled celery sticks into high grade Hazelnut gelato. MAN, the crisp, meaty yet schmooooove results are unbelievable... but it as you can imagine it only works for really short mixes. These things weren't originally designed to be used together, and if you go too long in this configuration you'll end up with a gummy, soggy sound. (the only thing that sounds worse than flaccid celery is turned headcheese).

Sorry, but I just can't get behind the tofu movement. I know a lot of big time producers use tons of the stuff, but to me its just lacking in some fundamental, intangible something. Maybe its a calarie thing, dunno.

Really good vintage DeliTrays don't come up on ebay very often, but keep your eyes and your nose open, and good luck!

[Kyle]

They have this hot dog in Michigan called a Kogel Vienna. They are really nice. Perhaps some of the Michigan TapeOpers could help you out. If they start to buzz, put them on a bun. It's works like a ground lift.

I hate the smell when you burn them out.