A Golden Opportunity ? Squandered

[agershon]

I'm afraid I've wasted an opportunity that many people ? perhaps even you ? would kill for.

Stop me if you've heard this one ...
In my mid-20s I was playing in bands and looking for a way to make a living of it. I was touring occasionally and, also occasionally, getting studio work. I couldn't keep a "normal" job because I needed to be available for shows, tours, session gigs, and all-night parties.

After doing an "internship" at a local recording studio, I dialed every post production house in LA. I got lucky. I caught someone right as their assistant was quitting, and he invited me in for an interview. I'm incredibly charismatic and got the job on the spot.

Living the Dream
There I was ? right-hand man to the owner of a busy post studio in Santa Monica.

Living the dream, right? Sure, right up until my band wanted to hit I-5 for a couple weeks of shows along the West Coast. My boss was non-plussed and I chose the band over the job.

Strike one.

After returning from our earth-shaking tour of such hot spots as Fresno, Eugene, and Tacoma, I asked my recently ex-boss for a referral which he kindly provided.

I reported for work at a brand new TV post house and immediately started cutting audio for an MTV reality show. The work was steady and the pay was good. The studio was newly custom-built to the owners' every whims.

I ran the board for Jim Forbes as he told the illustrious story of Kid Rock, Behind the Music. They installed a huge TV and bought the March Madness package so we could watch all the NCAA action on break.

Living the dream, right?

Sure, right up until I made a little mistake and, instead of begging forgiveness and promising it wouldn't happen again, I let it die. I walked away telling myself the hours were uncertain and that reality show was stupid.

Strike two.

Through some remaining good contacts, I was able score yet another chance. A busy composer needed a part-time assistant to help organize his studio, bounce out stems, and occasionally bang on exotic percussion instruments for fresh samples.

Living the dream again, right?

Sure, right up until he called me at midnight from across the globe and told me to take a taxi (I was drunk) to the studio immediately and re-bounce all the cues for act 2 of that weird Russian movie we've been working on.

I told myself I didn't need that kind of nonsense. So, I told him it wasn't for me. He understood. "I get it," he said. "Even during the good times, you can be so buried you don't enjoy it." He was right, and prophetic, too.

Strike three.

The Path of Least Resistance
I guess it was about then that I decided to give up on playing drums professionally and get a "normal" job. So I did. Wife and I bought a house and had two kids. And now I'm a marketing manager.

Don't get me wrong ? it's no sob story. I have a beautiful family in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood.

And I never stopped playing and recording music. I've recorded a dozen or so albums for friends over the years, and I have an great space in the garage with a Pro Tools HD system and a growing collection of quality gear.

But something's missing. And I'm thinking that now, at 36, is a pivotal moment. To continue down the marketing manager path, I'll need to commit. But with 20-30 years of working ahead of me, there's also still time to pull the e-brake and flip this thing around.

I've squandered a golden opportunity.
And now that I'm mature enough to recognize it, I'm afraid I may not get another chance. Youth is truly wasted on the young. But maybe I'm not too old just yet.

I've maintained many of the contacts from my "former life" in entertainment, and they're just a phone call away. But, similarly, if I go down that road I'll need to commit. No more quitting. No more being afraid to fail at the one thing I can't live without doing.

So, I'll put it to the community
What career paths do you see as viable now and in the foreseeable future? Mixing (and maybe someday composing/mixing) is where I want to be. So is TV/film/online video post production a vocation that's here to stay? Seems like there will always be a need for content, and as outfits like Hulu, Amazon, and Netflix begin creating original content for the web there should be even more need for production.

Is there a "normal" job in here somewhere?

Signed,
The Guy Having a 1/3 Life Crisis

[Snarl 12/8]

It sounds like you're doing it again to me. Do you have ADHD?

Maybe you're not cut out for 9-5. You need a little bit of danger and uncertainty to focus and feel alive. Maybe some sort of consulting/freelance thing would be more your style No need to quit and burn bridges if the job's gonna end at some point on its own.

[agershon]

It sounds like you're doing it again to me. Do you have ADHD?

Maybe you're not cut out for 9-5. You need a little bit of danger and uncertainty to focus and feel alive. Maybe some sort of consulting/freelance thing would be more your style No need to quit and burn bridges if the job's gonna end at some point on its own.

These are valid points. Yes, I am the kind of person who NEEDS change, as opposed to many folks who fear change. I lease cars. I love the first day on a new job. My wife thinks I'm insane. She's not necessarily wrong.

My current job is not going to end. It's full time/permanent. When I say I need to "commit" I mean I need to put my true energy into it and not keep telling myself "well maybe someday I'll quit this and do something else".

Consulting/freelance is perfect for me. I've done it. But keep in mind the entertainment industry is cyclical and volatile enough to keep things interesting.

[E-money]

Your story is fascinating and well told.

My advice, keep the good job that provides a good stable life for you and your family. Keep music as a hobby. Leave the past and what could have been behind you.

[digitaldrummer]

it seems you were not happy (satisfied, fulfilled...) playing and/or recording music full time before - what makes you think that will change now? find a balance.

[Gregg Juke]

We will always look back and say "What If?" We will also always (well, a lot of the time, at least) see the best in a past situation that may not actually have been that good. And, it's easy to see the present and future through a nostalgic lens...

I'm feelin' you. I had so many contacts, and so many "brushes with greatness" that it's not funny. And I had a lot of breaks at a young age. I have always been in music and production, and always will, but due to circumstances and my inexplicable inaction, I chose a "safer" day job path-- now I spend a lot of time teaching kids about music and culture and trying to give them alternatives and opportunities.

IF you think that your contacts are still good and could turn something up, I would say "proceed with caution." I would definitely _not_ "quit the day job" at this point, but try to build part-time work into something lucrative enough to give you a choice later. That is extremely hard, I know. But, top priority-- you chose marriage and children, and now you are _first and foremost_ commited to your family, so keep the paychecks and benefits rolling, and keep trying to do what you need to do and keeps you sane as much as possible until you get an opportunity to transition...

GJ

[agershon]

Your story is fascinating and well told.

My advice, keep the good job that provides a good stable life for you and your family. Keep music as a hobby. Leave the past and what could have been behind you.

Thanks. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about trying to make it in a music recording studio. Rather, getting back into tv/film/video post production, which I believe is a more robust industry with more career opportunity.

it seems you were not happy (satisfied, fulfilled...) playing and/or recording music full time before - what makes you think that will change now? find a balance.

Again, I wasn't recording music full time, I was working in post which is what I'm considering getting back into.

True, I was not happy back then. But I was just not happy in general ... I'm a very different person now, as we all are.

Also ... and I think this is important ... In hindsight I believe I walked away from the opportunities in my life because I was AFRAID TO FAIL at something that I truly loved. It's been easier to pursue a marketing career because if I'm just OK at it, who cares? That's my armchair psychology.

We will always look back and say "What If?" We will also always (well, a lot of the time, at least) see the best in a past situation that may not actually have been that good. And, it's easy to see the present and future through a nostalgic lens...

I'm feelin' you. I had so many contacts, and so many "brushes with greatness" that it's not funny. And I had a lot of breaks at a young age. I have always been in music and production, and always will, but due to circumstances and my inexplicable inaction, I chose a "safer" day job path-- now I spend a lot of time teaching kids about music and culture and trying to give them alternatives and opportunities.

IF you think that your contacts are still good and could turn something up, I would say "proceed with caution." I would definitely _not_ "quit the day job" at this point, but try to build part-time work into something lucrative enough to give you a choice later. That is extremely hard, I know. But, top priority-- you chose marriage and children, and now you are _first and foremost_ commited to your family, so keep the paychecks and benefits rolling, and keep trying to do what you need to do and keeps you sane as much as possible until you get an opportunity to transition...

GJ

This is reasonable, mature advice. I will probably take this approach.

Thanks all for the input so far ... hoping to hear from more folks ....

[Nick Sevilla]

I think you have yet to find what you truly LOVE to do.

It was not recording studios, live bands, post production.

Try something else. And, don't quit your day job, you have a family now, so you cannot be self centered anymore.

Cheers

[E-money]

Thanks. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about trying to make it in a music recording studio. Rather, getting back into tv/film/video post production, which I believe is a more robust industry with more career opportunity.

Thanks for the clarification. If you feel like you could land a career in this kind of work that is at least as lucrative as your current job, then go for it. You'll enjoy making good money doing something that you like. But if it's going to take you several years to get back to your current income, don't do it. Look, your dream job was to be a drummer and you've come to terms with the fact that that's not going to happen. Would a career in post production be more fun that what you're doing now? Probably. But if the money isn't great, you're going to find yourself in the same place down the road as you are now, second guessing a decision to take a job that's no longer that appealing.

[agershon]

I think you have yet to find what you truly LOVE to do. It was not recording studios, live bands, post production. Try something else. And, don't quit your day job, you have a family now, so you cannot be self centered anymore.

You've heard the expression "feel like a square peg in a round hole"? That's me in a corporate staff meeting. I LOVE playing music, but I can't hack the schedule and lifestyle now. I LOVE recording and mixing music, but I don't think I can make a living at it. Did I LOVE post production? I really liked it. And I think I'm good at it. And it's a unique skill which generally means you can make a living at it.

Not to delve too deeply into a parenting discussion, but there is a potential dichotomy that I've encountered which is generally: One on hand you can drop everything to give your children your undivided attention at all times. On the other, you can continue to pursue happiness in your life and share that happiness with your children, even though you may not be available to them 100% of the time.

The first option teaches kids that your happiness and fulfillment is unimportant. The second option teaches kids that happiness and fulfillment is important. Further, as a happy/fulfilled person you have so much more to give back to your children. Plus they learn the importance of creating their own happiness, as opposed to demanding action from others in the hopes that will increase their happiness.

Sorry, end of rant, I don't want to derail my own thread.

Thanks for the clarification. If you feel like you could land a career in this kind of work that is at least as lucrative as your current job, then go for it. You'll enjoy making good money doing something that you like. But if it's going to take you several years to get back to your current income, don't do it. Look, your dream job was to be a drummer and you've come to terms with the fact that that's not going to happen. Would a career in post production be more fun that what you're doing now? Probably. But if the money isn't great, you're going to find yourself in the same place down the road as you are now, second guessing a decision to take a job that's no longer that appealing.

Thankfully (?) I don't make a ton of money at the moment so matching my current income isn't that hard.

As for not liking post production work 10 years from now ... I currently work with people 10 years older than me so I can see what I will be doing if I stay on the marketing path. Suffice it to say I'd be willing to take a chance that I'll enjoy production work more.

[patchboy]

Weird, this could practically be my story. I also had a similar reaction reading Kitchen Confidential when Bourdain described how his insistence on being a head chef at crappy restaurants instead of continuing to learn under established masters nearly screwed his career. But I digress.

I have ended up with a pretty sweet, full-time with salary/benefits gig at a multimedia company doing music production. 44 years old, wife, house, 2 beautiful kids... all good. But I do miss playing, and I do miss recording punk rock bands in basements, and recording string sections at Conway, with cappuccinos a snap of the fingers away, flip-flops on the console.

But I am reminded of what the old hooker says: If you're getting paid for it, it ain't love. Obviously this is an oversimplification, but most have to make some level of compromise in this business. I used to make real money working on records I had no interest in. And made no money working on records I loved. Neither was really sustainable in a "follow your dream" kind of scenario.

Anonymity in a forum allows a certain honesty: One of the things I miss about making records is that I had the coolest job in the room at a party. Hearing a song you mixed while walking through a mall is a kick for the ego. However, that doesn't = real happiness. And before I started this business, I never liked anything I heard in a mall...

Well that was rambling...

[kayagum]

People seem to think that a single activity is supposed to cover all of the bases- emotional fulfillment, rent and/or mortgage payments, family and friends, etc.

Although it is very possible to have a single activity do this (and there are some TapeOp posters here who are living proof), it is also very possible to have multiple activities that, in sum, covers the bases too.

How one divides this up is a personal formula, with some tradeoffs that need to be made. But I think if you're deliberate, self-aware and mindful of it, you can definitely make it work.

My day job career (which is actually fairly corporate) started when I was temping as an administrative assistant to cover my theater gigs (you think musicians make no money, try nonprofit theater). My department figured out I had a talent for database work, and kept giving me more work. The more work allowed me to pick and choose what gigs and/or projects I did, without needing to think how I was going to make rent. The tradeoff was that I had to work on fewer projects over a longer period of time, but I decided I'd rather work on fewer quality projects over having a quantity of projects. And for the past 15+ years, I'm pretty happy with how things turned out. More importantly, I think I'm better at both activities because I have to stay on task with each of them so I have enough time and attention span to for the other.

I think it's a false choice that you must say either/or. Some combination of the two can work too.

By the way, I define a full blown midlife crisis as someone who thinks that they were entitled or deserved to have achieved or acquired something by now, but didn't. I've seen a lot of ended marriages, career meltdowns and other unsightly behaviors stemming from this entitled attitude. I don't think the OP is that guy, and the OP doesn't need to become that guy

[ubertar]

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." ~ Erica Jong

"No one wants advice ? only corroboration." ~ John Steinbeck

[chorga1]

Sounds like a case of the grass is always greener...

Recognize this in yourself, and find a way to cope with it, without affecting your family too much. The stress you will have working in the music biz day to day, IMO, is not worth it. Find a way to do you day job less and your music more, and continue to enjoy the beautifully free feeling of having music separate from your income...

[Snarl 12/8]

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." ~ Erica Jong

"No one wants advice ? only corroboration." ~ John Steinbeck

+1

I think of that sig when I see a lot of questions on this board, including my own. Then the reaction of the OP to the first few answers often confirms that this is going on, including my own. But hey, there's nothing inherently wrong in seeking corroboration.