BobBIEs shIte pILE - DiG iN PeOpLe, dig IN!!

[bobbydj]

Owing to severe lack of broad-band capabilities in my house - street even - I'm completely unable to sort my life out. So, in lieu of the necessary digital equipment and technological know-how I am forced to offer a purely textual account my "music". Never has one set of inverted commas undertaken such an onerous task. Anyway, without further ado, let battle commence.

Track one - a vicious dispute between the Mouldy Peaches and Beck takes place in a stolen Tardis. In the fray a toggle-switch shears off and the protagonists are flung backwards through time and space, only to be abruptly jettisoned at a Slaughter and the Dogs gig near Mosside circa December 1978.

Track two - Mark Smith has been kidnapped by a newly back-from-the-dead Joe Meek. So far so bad. But just who is the figure behind this cruel abduction?? Is it Rosemary, the telephone operator?? Nope. Is it Mark Chapman, the mild-mannered assassin?? Could be. Better give him a bang on this green-bud bifter. Sharpish!

Track three - Aimed at that most prized demographic - the pre-teen autistic niche - this slice of proto-bubblegum death-stomp augers well for the future of mankind. It also has the added bonus of genre hopping between '60s British Invasion, grind-core and trip-hop. No wonder it's so shit then.

[joeysimms]

Good stuff, what did you record it on? Is that a compressor I see strapped across all 3 tracks for the sake of brevity?

[bobbydj]

It was recorded on to a modified aerial font at point 10. Dude there is no compression on those - the full dynamic range of my invective is preserved in full. I'm a total purist when it comes to discourse. Who ain't though - I mean, really?

[bobbydj]

Also, why the fuck can't I spell my own bastard name all of the sudden??

[wing]

wow, these sound great! it's like i don't even need speakers anymore either! i wish all music could be simply described to me so i wouldn't have to bother listening with my ears.

amazing production!

though i hate to break it to you, but i believe that would be verdana point 10.

[bobbydj]

though i hate to break it to you, but i believe that would be verdana point 10.

Dude I can't believe you didn't know what Arial sounds like slammed hot to monitor!! Sure, it does have that Verdana ring to it, but even so. A totally different squashed, sans serif effect imho. I thought you were up to scratch on your slammed analogue fonts!!

[psychicoctopus]

dude! I've gotta download these onto a Post-It so I can play them in the car!

[wing]

dude! I've gotta download these onto a Post-It so I can play them in the car!

hey man, that's illegal!

[bobbydj]

dude! I've gotta download these onto a Post-It so I can play them in the car!

dude! I've gotta download these onto a Post-It so I can play them in the car!

hey man, that's illegal!

My attorney is on amber alert.

[leftoverking]

Like the songs, even though I prefer music written in ALL CAPITALS!!!!

[Bear]

These tones suck. You must have typed this digital. It's thin and lacking personality. Analog (pencils) have way more character--much fatter and punchier. And I bet your keyboard is a Behringer with USB pres. Please tell me where you live, so I can fly to your house and vomit on you.

[bobbydj]

Please tell me where you live, so I can fly to your house and vomit on you.

Dude you are harshin my lo-fi mellow. Back off with that thick fur and salmon catchin thing you got goin there. Damn fish killer.

[Bear]

You're right. I'm sorry.

[bobbydj]

Now I'm feelin guilty. Guess y' can't help catchin them salmon can y'? Just y'know - don't maul 'em so. And them bees - don't hassle 'em too much. Ok?

[Bear]

Sure thing. I'll try. But this whole "instinct" thing is a bitch. I can't stop killing people and raping them in the bushes. *shrugs, then mauls a passerby*