Shhhhhhh, we need a new drummer...

[s-s-s-s-s]

We need a new drummer. We're trying to keep it quiet from our current drummer. Don't worry, he's in like 17 other bands, he'll get over it. He's not nearly attentive enough to our needs. I'm not sure why, cause we're certainly busy and could have a nice career doing this if we kept it going. We have a new booking agent, lots of cool shows, a great CD with great reviews (and want to do a new recording soon), a studio, cool website, etc. He's just a whore at heart, I guess.

We want to keep it quiet right now cause we just have a few commitments to take care of and don't want the rehearsal room to become massively uncomfortable, as it could very well get that way, y'know?

So, the music is pretty dynamic, low lows and high highs, y'know? It's rock music of some sort at the time being, but we're all into fans of lots of different stuff and like expanding and exploring.

We're going to have a bunch of shows out of town in a the next few months and need someone who is going to care about the music and be our friend, as well as being a kick-ass drummer. It's all equally important.

He might just read this post, else I'd be more specific about things.

Oh, we're in NYC.

PM me now.

[jca83]

i know who you are. you jerks. i'm trying my best. forget you guys. i'm taking my PA, my agent, your girlfriend and my retractable coke mirror and i'm getting the crap out of your band.

[ryan_c]

Can I have one of those headset mics so I can sing? And how do you feel about flaming gongs?

[your_drummer]

Nice try asshole. Did you ever stop to wonder why I'm in 17 different projects? Maybe because I'm good, I'm professional, I show up on time, and I'm hung like a stallion?

The real problem is you guys: You suck, you're pretentious wanna-bes, and your girlfriends (all 2 of them) give lousy head. Plus your songs are not very good. Not at all. Not even a tiny bit good.

Aside from all that, you guys are no fun to hang out with. Fuck, you think miller lite and ditchweed's a partay? Bitch, please.

mmm.. bye. ta ta!

sincerely,

your ex-drummer, with no regrets, no apologies, and one stallion wang.

[jca83]

um. i'm confused. is this that crap funk/rock project with two drummers? either way, i still quit. i hated that. we could never keep in time with each other, let alone the four percussionists... why do we need two marimbists to cover jimi hendrix?

that other guy thinks he's so cool, with those little "pish" cymbals. he bought 'vapor trails' off of itunes and now he thinks he knows what real music is. me? i don't even use cymbals. they're so... corporate. phil collins got it right. why mess with that formula? have you HEARD his live set? i don't THINK so, buddy. untouchable.


man. i'm gonna strike off on my own. tony levin's number is in my cellphone, so i think i'm gonna see if he wants to do some really tribal drum/bass experimental world music.. you know, lots of djimbes and those little wooden things with the metal tines in them. i love those. tony just posted new pics of this bass thing he built. it's got 6 real strings, but then 18 resonator strings. it just drones on its own. he calls it the dronutar. you don't even have to be in the same room as the instrument. just put some mics up and hit record. it knows what to do. i'm totally going to find one of those guys who can play the didjeridoo and see what that'll sound like mixed in with tony's dronutar. as for the rest of the project, i'm envisioning wind chimes and this weird accordion thing i found on the side of the road. it's actually more like a mellotron with a bellows. you squeeze it and it changes the tape speed as well as the amplitude of what you're playing. i've got a little portable recorder, so i think i'm going to do some nigerian field recordings and put that through it. you know. chanting topless women at varying pitch and speed. might be cool. tony's down, he's on the phone right now with the daskriti tribe leader. we've got two hours of recording time before their sacred blood ritual. when that time rolls around, we gotta split. they're doing some thing with peter frampton or something. so yeah, we struck a spec deal with them, of sorts. just these few demo songs to see what's up. i'm thinking of releasing it on my own private label. i found those japanese cylinder recorders through this site and i found that if you crank the thing really freakin hard, you get some good frequency response. problem is, the cups only last for about 2 seconds of recording time. i'm on hold with R&D at Dart products, inc, about some longer cups and they're excited about it. they're planning on releasing them to coincide with the alien v. predator release. we're trying to get a song on the soundtrack, see, and it'd be a perfect tie-in. anyway, they're figuring out a series of 50 foot long cups. that should really give me the adequate 7-8 minutes needed for my songs. well, not really songs, more like musical expressions of the burdening pain on my blackened soul. oh and tony's, too. and the didji guy. he's anguished, for real.

well anyway, screw you guys. i'm splitsville.

[your_drummer]

that other guy thinks he's so cool, with those little "pish" cymbals. he bought 'vapor trails' off of itunes and now he thinks he knows what real music is. me? i don't even use cymbals. they're so... corporate. phil collins got it right. why mess with that formula? have you HEARD his live set? i don't THINK so, buddy. untouchable.

Wasn't me. The only vapor trails I know are ones that leave your girl's rear-end as I paradiddle her middle. No cymbals here, either. Symbols, not cymbals. You must have me confused with someone else. As fas as phil collins live set, jack, I was the ghost player behind the curtain, playing the beatz while Phil air-played it, doncha know. He still owes me $20, no shit.

Anyway, sounz like these clowns shshsshh'in their drum search has turned up 2 ex-drummers who R glad to have moved on. Good luck with nigeria. I'll be playing in Space next Tuesday, somewhere over Japan.

[swingdoc]

funny, every band is quietly looking for a new drummer....

[coniferouspine]

I'll be playing in Space next Tuesday, somewhere over Japan.

I had that gig last year -- it's a good room. Who you playing in orbit with? Peter Gabriel? Mickey Hart?

[jca83]

I had that gig last year -- it's a good room. Who you playing in orbit with? Peter Gabriel? Mickey Hart?

small potatoes. mickey hart and his backing band opened for me there twice. it was terrible. the sound guy SUCKS. now i'm playing the big room. that's right. heaven. slamming my skins for his almighty. buy my records.

[coniferouspine]

now i'm playing the big room. that's right. heaven. slamming my skins for his almighty. buy my records.

Yeah, I think I heard about that. Seems you were ham-fisting it up all over Lawrence Welk's big accordion solo up there the other night. Look I know it must be tough, eternally backing up Jim Croce all the time, night after night up there, but even in heaven you gotta pay your dues. You know they're not going to let you near to playing with Mahalia Jackson for another coupla millenia, if ever, and Ray doesn't need a drummer, he's working a jazz organ combo up there with Elvin Jones and Trane now, man. You'll be lucky to be substitute 2nd triangle in the off-season touring production of "Godspell" up there, when the big trumpet blows and the gig's up. So don't get all high and mighty with me.

[andrew embassy]

This is the best thread ever. Seriously. EVER.

[drmorbius]

I think I'm who you're looking for!

First off, my favorite thing in life is to take my kit apart, move it to a different attic, and then set it up again--especially if it's the day of a show and I'll have to do it again that night! I love recording to click tracks and I never write any songs. I've never so much as written a chord progression on my Squire that I'll insist goes in your song. I'm cool to hang out with. I'll hang out with you in the mall to help you get girls because you have an "entourage" and won't be annoyed that you like to be the center of attention and make us play all your songs but expect me to put together a bunch of mailings for your lazy ass and put up the ugly fliers you made. And I won't ever expect you to help me unload my shit even though you're the singer and have nothing to carry at all. Cause hey, it's my stuff, right?

[seeabove]

um. i'm confused. is this that crap funk/rock project with two drummers? either way, i still quit. i hated that. we could never keep in time with each other, let alone the four percussionists... why do we need two marimbists to cover jimi hendrix?

Man, this thread just made my night. I gotta fire an employee this week and I'm all stressing; haven't laughed in awhile and now I have tears in my eyes.

9.7 - I'mma gonna bookmark it for a rainy day.